Hello Ghi,

Several points I want to make:

 You said: Knowledge does provide a way into one’s heart and inner peace, and the resulting well being, clarity, and sense of oneness stays.

Although expressed in a vague way, I do know what you mean, as I was an actively practicing premie for almost 30 years (30 years! as Lexy said) and I used the same language to describe it. However, I now see that my actual experience, while 'feeling' like a high or a bliss while in it, was creating another result, which I can describe as a disassociation with my authentic self in favor of an attachment to M as a charasmatic person who somehow, I believed, was the actual source of my 'high feeling.' This shift, from being tuned into my authentic self for support and clarity, to being dependent on forces outside myself to give me clarity and a good feeling, slowly and subtly took me away from evolving into a whole and healthy human being. This, I understand, is as hard a concept for someone on the inside to grasp, as it now is for me to accept what you say. I have seen it, and felt it from both sides.

I have felt the effects of struggling with the contradictions embedded 1) in trying to live the life that M, as guide and director, told me to do and 2) with the inner urges of my being to evolve into an authentic person. Finally the stress of living in that contradiction became too much for me. I hold no illusions that you will understand my point, as I know the lure and magic of the premie life. However, as a person (myself) getting closer to the source of the promised experience (practicing and looking to M for guidance, 'participating' in the financial circle of support for M) the contradictions finally surfaced to the point where I had to make a choice to move in a new direction.

You said :There is a certain energy and fulfillment being in Maharaji’s presence.

If you look closely at what you are saying, this description of attributing an inner experiece as dependent on being in someones presence now sends up many red flags in me. Having experienced the negative effects of wanting to be with certain charismatic people because it made me feel good or high, or clear, is now a warning sign to me. Former husbands, boyfriends, associates that are dependent on that kind of hierarchy of energy feeding and transmission automatically tell me (now) that an unhealthy dependency exists and that those further down the totem pole ( who are feeling a sort of fulfillment being with the other person) are, in fact, co-dependent and not in touch with their own authentic self, which generates enough energy and self confidence for that person to be self-sufficient and not need energy hits from others. They can be with others, enjoy the diversity, the friendship, etc, but not be 'juicing' any experience from them. The false dependencies that are set up by the creation of that dependency (which is enhanced by the disociation of practicing the techniques in that environment), are unhealthy and keep a person from true growth.

You said: The ashram and the changing organizations are not the experience. They are just vehicles for that time to help coordinate an effort of information and introduction to Maharaji.

My opinion is that you cannot separate the many manifestations of organization that have changed over the years from M and the experience. (remember I have almost 30 years experience of it and was involved in the finances and fund raising for many of those years). If M is the leader and source, and if he states that you must promise to stay in touch as he is the guide to keep you on the right path, then how can you say that he is not connected to the decisions of how the outer structure is built, maintained, and changed over time. Those who have posted here, who worked directly with M on many of those decisions and changes have documented very clearly that M knew exactly what he was doing, and still does, and makes decisions based on his own personal agenda which does not always have the personal well-being of he devotees as the goal, nor are they just coordinating an effort at distributing information and introduction of M. Those decsions were, many times, how to get money from premies to fund M's personal projects. 

Because you still have told us nothing of who you are, and what your lifespan with knowledge is, and how involved you are with the organization, there is really no way to have any further constructive conversations about all this. If you sincerely want to have a dialog with any of us, please come down into your authentic self and speak as you would over a cup of coffee. Let us know you from behind the premie mask so we can converse.

Quirky