Thanks for your observations, cq. What I noticed after writing that response to ghi, is that the process of thinking about what he/she was saying and about what my thoughts and experiences were in order to respond, was very therapuetic for me. I had never articulated those things before, so I can almost thank ghi for bringing up those points because it helped me to understand and process my time in, and time out of, the cult and really see its effects on me and how I am now different with different goals.

After almost 30 years of being progammed to accept one-way communication and to doubt my own thoughts and intuitions in favor of believing that M knew what was best, one of my favorite things to do is to try to effectively communicate with people--a two way street--and to be an active participant in conversations where I try to understand the other person's point of view and then hope to get them to understand mine. I hold very little hope out that premies posting here will really listen and understand me, but the process of doing it is very beneficial to me.