HI lexy thanks for your info there. Some of what you have said  is very good

Well I go for weeks and weeks without remembering HNm but then very powerful stresses start to occur and then I have to start remembering HN again.

If I don't then it feels as if I am dying. The moment I start meditating (onHN) again I start to feel better, but.. appart from that there is no other stimulis to to return to M or that I am doing something wrong

There is one thing sure it is the strangest thing that I have ever gotten into and very sad as well to have no honor left as well.

But things are not clear cut as I really do not like M at the moment so there is sometimes SEVERE confusion involved and as to where all this is leading to or will lead to. And why I have to remember HN etc.

Are you quite happy with HN, for instance are you afraid that you might be being put in some other place or being put in some other place slowley without you realising it and perhaps not be able to come back. 

After all it is not natural to have to remember breath to survive . 

I think it is shocking if it is true that M should swear in such a fashion. To me it would be like Jeasus swearing which would be totally unbeliavable which would not agree at all with what I thought M was for the past thirty years.

People who are being executed usually get their last wish IE- a last cigarette ETc it would have been nice to know what all this means before one goes

Anyway peace and love