Cynthia  ( "her" )  is very experienced with helping out on this forum . I should probably stop HN myself until I don't associate it with M.  I'll see !

Anyhow your original post got lots of response and I'm sure that some of it will be useful to you  ( and me ).

One other thing. You mentioned that you've been involved with M since you were a child and I wondered if you had any ex or non premie relations or friends you could talk to about all this and that maybe that would be a helpful thing to do ?People who you trust and who've known you a while.

Take care.The peace and love is still there.

Lexy.