Its taken years to get perspective on this. As you say it is such a comprehensive mind fuck.

I actually realise now how it is to become capable of dying (or killing or both simultaneously) for an ideal without understanding how I came to see things that way. (NB Never imagining for one second that Rawat or premies specifically consider such deeds of course). But the similarity of the manipulation process! And the fixity of the outcome. Minds can be manipulated, mine was, and no questions asked. The maniplutee will swear black is white, and knows "for sure" they are doing right and that is what they want to do. Intelligence is no protection either. Religion is a terrible thing.

Yes, Rawat used to imply that his lack of specificity in his discourse on the inner life was actually due to his respect for the sanctity of the individual, and their personal  "experience"!   The cheek! "One experience-fits-all" was really as far as he could peddle.

Yes the narcotic thrill thing. As a prem I used to try to enhance such intelligence as I could bring to bear, with "the clarity of this Knowledge".It worked too in a vulnerable, stumbling sort of way, as long as I kept moving and stayed among the vulnerable and inarticulate. (which was pretty much everyone, cos after all I "knew", and "were all only visitors here aren't we"). This forum was my first brush with dealing with my peers. I was terrified of it. Embarrassing to recall.

As a prem (and before too I suppose) I was filled with a desire to manipulate others into seeing what I had seen. Fulfilling this longing was the deep appeal to me of getting some secret sacred knowledge from an exceptional being.. Sick really! Secret experiences and enlightened souls was great for my little intentions. I was sneaky, pathetic. I feel sorry for me!

 You need to be able to think to manipulate people satisfactorily, but only up to a certain point, a threshold subtly but firmly delineated by the master's language  in his discourse. Phew, thank god I got too clever for his own boots and mmy career as a Rawat emulater, and began to suspect.

Any way its sSunday here and I'm putting of doing stuff to read this good stuff here.

Love

Bryn