Thanks for the encouragement JHB and NYA. Cant resist writing, its the relief of being in control.

John, my shakiness surrounds renovating my house from top to bottom for rental asap. It rattles me deeply. The situation does have a Forum 8 context though. . Loaf  (veteran ex and seasoned extention builder on his house) describes the doing up houses state of mind exactly thus:

"a bit like laying an
enormous square breeze-block egg whilst juggling hand grenades on a
precipice-all the while jeered at and tormented by pick pockets and
dust demons." Sheer poetry!

Scottish Robbie the builder (still apparantly not quite sure if he is an ex or a premie)  has suddenly buggered off to Lisbon for a week, and this at a time when I wanted to keep the project moving! Bless us all. Its obviously my cue to surrender. No sweat Robbie.

Re Maha's hiring venerable halls and getting himself videoed in front of other peoples logos. Perhaps Hilltop could help here: Didn't Prem once give specific satsang to the effect of how dishonest it would be to stand next to someone elses flash car and be photographed and then show the picture around as if the car was your own?

What other public venues for hire could the great man attach himself to in his longimg for legitimacy. The bullring at Malaga?-very macho. Abbey Road Studios- groovy, but  a bit passe. The R101 Hangar at Cardington?- definitely very big.    etc etc

There was another thing but I cant remember, oh yes it was about the imminent collapse of my narcicism. The cult was soo supportive of it, and it survived five whole years after exit point..but now..its really under pressure. I miss it so. Religion is such a drug.

Love

Bryn