In my case I feel I had an easier time feeling affection for Marolyn and the kids, especially Wadi whom I longed to meet and "babysit"- I was 13 the year she was born. Rawat always scared me, and Marolyn had a warm nurturing persona. At the time I was involved, I had the impression the children were very loved and nurtured and that she did not abdicate her maternal role in the least, this is while they were preschoolers. I think I was out by the time Amar was born. I did not admit to myself that GMJ scared me, but I look back now to the doubts and fears I struggled with, and my loathing of myself because I had those doubts, and I see that I did indeed have a real fear of him. There was a sincerity and kindness and do gooder attitude that came through in her satsangs that made me able to easily "trust" her- in a very far away sort of way.

It is SO hard to blame people for their actions while in a cult. I do see the cult as a mitigator for many of the actions people took. I must say, including Rawat himself while he was very young. I really can't assign a lot of blame to him while he was 13-16 years old. He did a lot of horrendous things, but he came from a really bizzare upbringing. If I were to say when, as a guess, I become really angry at his cowardice for continuing the cult, it would be around 1976. I guess he would have been 18. But it is more because of what Mishler reports that makes me think awareness was seeping in that he was not indeed what he may have been brought up to think he was. I think he was also becoming aware of his responsibility to deal with premies as human beings. I think that it may be complex why he backed off and let the cult relapse into its scariest period, 1977-1983 or so- the "heavy devotional period".  I think he backed out of facing reality because he is a coward and very greedy for power and money. At this point I start to feel he deserves to be blamed for his huge role in allowing the very destructive power he had to derail so many lives. I guess what I am saying is around Millenium though he was a megalomaniacal 13-14 year old he still truly was a child and the product of his environment. But I would say after 1977 there is more reason to hold him entirely responsible for his actions. Even so it sounds as if around 1984 there was another point at which reality was knocking on his conciousness, and he again failed to step up to the plate. The "changes" and evolution since that time, to me, appear to not be motivated by any sincere concern for the premies or conscience on his part, I think it was an awareness that being the big bad cult leader was not profitable, and maybe a little embarrassing, so he wanted to tone down the appearance of the cult, but never wanted to truly dismantle the dynamics of worship.

I am less confident of my take on Marolyn.  I don't care if she had the emotional maturity of a three year old, if it were an immature 24 year old male and a13 year old female cult leader we would see it as the man making a sex and power play. I do think we are culturally taught to be less protective of boys and we are just plain wrong there.  But the fact she was in a cult does make it confusing. I really don't know how I feel about her.

Mary Kay Letourneau though, she sure acts like a sexually abused person. But we still hold men who were sexually abused responsible when they abuse as adults. I don't think we should apply any different standard to her. Men who abuse young girls and boys claim to be in love with them. I think it is her vulnerable appearance which makes us pity her. He victim appears older than his years and is Samoan. I do think we get skewed by gender, class, ethnic stereotyping that  we may never have explored or even recognize.

Just my thoughts, I find the subject interesting. Many of us did shameful things while we were under the cults inflence. Whether we treated our families badly, treated other premies badly, some broke laws, recruited others to the cult or to ashrams and coerced conformity......all of these actions and for a few worse, was Fakiranand a deluded cult member when he cracked Pat Haley's head....or just using the cult to excuse a violent nature. I don't know the answers.