Andries,

You really do have a problem, I agree.  I also think that you're torturing yourself trying to hash all this out both here and on Wikipedia.  I've seen what the premies say to you there and it isn't pretty.  At least here we're trying to be sincere with you.  They're obviously not.

Okay -- let's stop the film for a sec.  Do you agree that there's a qualitative difference in the sincerity of exes and premies in their communications about Rawat, with you and generally? 

I really do not have a feeling of superiority here about my viewpoints or my background.

In many cases behavior can be explained without assumming sinister motives to a person. This is the case with me and to some extent also with Maharaji. I prefer a non-sinister explanation if this is reasonably possible.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." Robert J. Hanlon

It's absurd for you to compare your own "motives" for tilting towards confusion and indecision about Rawat with his motives for anything. Get that, Andries?  Absurd.  Not unreasonable, not a little off, absurd. 

Andries, you are so off in all this, I strongly suggest that you just get the hell out of this game altogether for a while.  You're not helping yourself, you're not helping us (forget about Wikipedia.  They can have whatever article they like about Rawat.)  And, no offence, but it's hardly as if you're bringing any fresh insight or persepctive to any of this.  I'm sure you're a nice guy just like Toby says you are.  That's why I'm sincerely recommending that you just leave this all behind.  Otherwise, as you yourself say, you can't decide anything and that irritates the hell out of people that present a case to you, especially a sincere one.

Can you imagine going before a judge who just couldn't judge?  I'm not saying you're a judge in any special way, of course, but any time we present a "case" for some proposition or another to someone we're pleading a case in a way.  We've all spent a lot of time doing that with you, Andries, but, as you yourself admit, you're not like most people.  You're decision shy.  Fine, be that way.  But just don't expect us to have infinite patience for you as you pick and poke at the evidence forever and a day.  That's not exactly fair to us, is it?

My advice is to confine your struggle to SSB-related issues.  Now there's one area in this whole world of guru and cult stuff where you really have made some solid conclusions.  Stay there.  Help others.  Stir up some shit.  Whatever.  I'm sure there's more than enough to say or do about the subject.

On the other hand, if you're just kind of lonely ....  is that it?  Surely there are a bunch of ex-SSB followers to talk with, aren't there?