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Now that I stop to think about the late 70s I can understand a bit of the fear thing. I was in the ashram for only one year and then moved out about a week before the very first "ashram meeting." I panicked because after that first satellite feed they had a private feed for only ashram premies and I begged to get in since I had only recently moved out. I was not allowed and it was very secretive. I recall now that I was freaked out that I had made a mistake and was now missing something important. I never knew what went on in those meetings and what different things he was saying to ashram premies...thinking back, it was really an uncomfortable feeling, like I had blown some chance at getting "closer" to the master and was set adrift, not long after that I got pregnant and then there were all the more concepts about being 'out of the loop.' So yes, I guess there were fears of a sort then. Looking back it is so pathetic to think how manipulated I let my emotions be by all of this. I would not treat a dog this way, much less another human being. I can feel the anger as part of the process of separation. It's healthy.
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