|
|
|
Inis, good for you that you're ready to process something that profoundly affected the lives of you and your children. I was in for over 30 years from the age of 17 - left in 2006 with GREAT SUPPORT from the fabulous people here - and I rarely tune in, but here I am. And I want to share with you that no post is ever long; I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that your self-expression, indeed self knowledge! is music to our tinnitus challenged ears, and what validates you validates us. Seeing the lard's picture can be a shock; what was once so endearing. The story of The Emperor's New Clothes will eventually be funny. As I've said before, we were like babies in our innocence; it is praiseworthy that we wanted to be with the perfect master and "fulfill this life." That we were able to trust in an "age of hype." I still remember the lard using that expression; I can hear the exact intonation he used at a time when he already was playing us, as early as the 70's. Our desire for truth led us in, and our desire for truth brought us out. When I married I didn't bring my son to programs and my husband was not a premie and the marriage ended quickly. It was easier to make decisions then because I did what felt right. In a recent discussion about the past with my son, in which I sought to understand how it affected him, he said that there was no bad effect, that he saw me as happier then. I didn't let the lard or his spokespeople ruin my life, rather, because of my positive state of mind (he's got the whole world in his hands, and I'm in on it) - I was fortunate to be able to have my cake and eat it too; at least, I thought I was eating cake, but we all know what it really was. Which is not to say I didn't suffer when I lived in a premie house and wasn't "allowed" to go to the program, the bullshit in a premie relationship in which I was informed about the real love (yeah, right) -or when I re-dedicated myself to loving (him) even more and still wasn't any closer to samadhi, all the way to the final curtain closing on who he really was (bastard). I wish you love on this new chapter of forgiving yourself.
|
