| Did anyone know my father Fletcher Drake? also advice please.... |
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Hi everyone!
PROFOUND GRATITUDE for this forum and all the honesty and bravery to speak the truth about the miragey and the cult!!!
I grew up as a child (as did my brother - greatly to his detriment) with the DLM and "Maharaji Ji" as wonderful and so life supportive and necessary to my father...it is only in these past 10 days have I, with my partner's support, found that there is A LOT of information, support, and courageous speaking out on the internet to see the truth about the miragey and DLM/Elan Vital....now I can have the clarity and congruency that my father could not give me - he was in a CULT, and "Maharaji" was never to be trusted and is a cult leader!
This is SUCH a relief and so profoundly liberating and healing for me, and my family, if they realize this or not. My father was in the Washington, D.C. ashram from about 1975 til the miragey closed them in 1983...my father crossed over in january 1996
Currently my partner and I are visiting my "step-mother", my father's second wife, here in California - yes, near the most expensive house in Malibu, CA, USA where the cult leader lives  - I haven't seen her since a couple years after my father passed (1998)...I am in awe at her unwavering devotion to the cult, the cult leader, and what she has been sharing with me...she does not know my true feelings about this all and I am grateful what she has been sharing with me, like that my father was friends with Marolyn....was invited and went to the opulent Malibu mansion more than once....
I feel called to let her know about Hans coming out publicly about the sexual abuse and wondering if anyone here has any suggestions how to do so with a premie who for 52 years has been brainwashed and devoted to the "satguru"?
I have been in shock, in grief, in gratitude, and in delight - it all - in this past 10 day process of finally having access to truth I never knew about til now - I had NO IDEA! YET, as a child, at five on my first visit to the ashram, I KNEW NEVER to give my power to another human being....this I live true to to this day, and NOW I understand why that was so clear to me then.
So again.... my PROFOUND GRATITUDE to all.
blessings, Yasma
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Thank Yasma for that. I didn't know your father, but maybe some others did. So happy to hear how you were able to see clearly at such an early age. What happened to your brother (if you want to talk about it).
There are also some great resources on Facebook if you are interested. I can post some links.
It is also encouraging for posters here to know that this forum and other platforms still make a difference.
Cheers, Aunt Bea (who is a man by the way)
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thank you Aunt Bea! your reflection and appreciation meets my needs to be seen, valued, and understood. I will gladly share my experience and what I witnessed for my brother, thanks for your care and concern.
I am profoundly moved by the support here and from all the speaking out in different "places" on the internet...it SO COMPLETELY makes a VERY positive, life-necessary difference! wherever we heal the web of life, the river of family/community, ALL benefit.
I feel a long sharing in a new post brewing to share more about myself, my brother, and the profoundly negative impact the cult, and thus the cult leader mainly, had on our life, still to this day....
please do share FB links...I honestly have avoided FB almost entirely since it's creation, yet feel deeply inspired to join simply from Hans' courageous sharing about the sexual abuse so publicly so as to be a part of this healing movement for truth telling and support him and us all in this way
thanks for words on my step-mother
and for letting me know you are a man 
well wishes and gratitude, Yasma
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That is a very good question. I don't have any great advice other than to take your time about it and think it through. She will probably push back but also feel shattered. I think if you want to tell her, you also need to be there to potentially support her. I am sure there will be other posters who have some good suggestions to make.
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Hi Yasma,
I didn't know your father but I feel that in a way I "knew" both of you. I (and others here) lived in the ashram throughout the seventies until they closed in 1983. We lived identical lifestyles by the same vows and rules that didn't vary from ashram to ashram. I know because I lived in six of them, one of them just up the road in Manhattan.
Your post was particularly moving because I often did childcare for five-year-old children during nightly satsang in 1975 and the years that followed. I even volunteered to do childcare so that mothers could gather for afternoon satsang. I have an indelible image of how that first visit to an ashram as a five-year-old in 1975 must've appeared to you.
As for any advice, that's very difficult. But as reluctant as I am, I'll go out on a limb.
As Aunt Bea said, take your time about it and think it through. Do you really want to do this? If so - and I can completly relate to where you're coming from - then in addition to caring for your step-mother, please also protect yourself by being prepared for a wide range of potential or unanticipated reactions, e.g., from emotional distress to a casual "don't be silly... that's old news" dismissal - followed by false narratives. Perhaps all you can do is be genuine and caring going in and genuine and caring going out.
Either she hasn't heard about it or she has. My sense is that living near the residence in Malibu in a tightly knit premie community where the rumor mill is likely rampant, she may have already heard about it. If so, then she may have had plenty of time to let it sink in, and apparently she hasn't left yet. As your question suggests, I'm sure you can imagine how a person who's dedicated and invested fifty-two years of their life might cling to anything to avoid facing something that could upend the entire foundation of their life. (It was one of the most difficult things I've ever faced.)
As I mentioned before, the most prevalent false narratives being circulated can perhaps be summarized as follows:
• Various attempts to discredit Hans and his wife. • Various attempts to challenge the reliability of Hans' memory, e.g., false memories, post-concussion syndrome, alcohol and/or substance abuse (reportedly rampant throughout the entire family). • Hans has fallen into the clutches of his controlling, manipulative wife and a hate group who are putting words into his mouth, the implication being that he's too weak to prevent himself from being used by others. • Hans is confusing a medical treatment with sexual abuse (from early childhood until the age of six or seven!?). • It wasn't sexual abuse but rather a common, culturally acceptable practice or even a form of showing affection. • (I'm sure it won't be long before we hear that the four year old? recording of Prem's admission is a fake that was produced by artificial intelligence.)
Sadly, in my opinion, these are deliberately fabricated and reprehensible false narratives that followers will cling to until such time that it's no longer possible for them to deny the truth and not face the implications. I personally believe these false narratives arose out of a group of followers who got together and threw whatever they could come-up with at a wall to see what might stick. As Jon Lovitz, in his comedic role as a compulsive liar on SNL used to say, and as Susan posted below:
"Yeah, that's the ticket!"
So please be prepared for any contingency because it sounds like you've been through more than enough with this cult and even more of it is the last thing you or anyone else needs. And I also look forward to anything others here might have to say.
Thank you so much for taking the time to post. It really means a lot to find out that something said here helped another person.
Bob Tooker
Modified by lakeshore at Fri, Apr 26, 2024, 08:55:01
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thank you Bob! YES what is posted here, and on other ex-premie sites, are SO VERY supportive, life-necessary, and honestly, kind....kind to speak the truth...true kindness is a heart-centered act of tremendous bravery...to stop what is not kind, what is abusive, to stand up and say simply "no"...and with all this truth telling my partner helped me find that I had no idea could possibly be on the internet, that premies could actually LEAVE the cult and end their devotion to the mirage AND speak out truthfully is truly awesome and inspiring, and a RELIEF to find....a reflection of sanity my father could never give me...nor can my step-mother now, nor any of their/her now premie friends
thank you so much for your generous sharing about how, and IF, to speak with her...I super appreciate you going out on a limb, and so thoroughly! again, what a relief to read words of what is real and what I also experience (throughout my life) of what others do in order to not take responsibility...great points!!!
I feel joyful and a sense of calm with your "knowing" me and my father, and brother, through shared experience at the same time/years!! extraordinary....I feel you being the witness now that I never had back then as I walked into the ashram, stayed there with my brother for our weekend visits with my father, etc....thank you for seeing me, it is very healing, for us all....I feel called to share generously what that was like for me and all the experiences that wish to be born into being seen and offered for healing for us all negatively impacted by a narcissistic sociopath as truly that is what the man who now calls himself Prem Rawat is....and a fraud, conman, deceptive predator....
blessings and gratitue, Yasma
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Hi Yasma,
I can't fathom you having lived this many years on your own 1) with an intuitive awareness (knowing) that your family is centered in a cult and devoted to its leader; and 2) without the support and validation of other adult children of premies in similar circumstances or any former followers. Discovering all this so recently (11 days as 13 just posted) after so many years of that kind of isolation and privately held perspectives with no validation or sounding boards must be an incredible relief, to say the least. Even I feel a bit overwhelmed contemplating how it must feel.
Your enthusiasm takes me back to when I first began reading this forum. Day after day of misty eyes as my world suddenly expanded beyond anything I ever thought possible (and I had Knowledge!) - after the initial shock of coming to terms with the fact that I'd been duped and trapped in a cult wore off.
My advice for today: enjoy that overwhelming sense of relief and be thankful that your inner warning system got it right from the very start:
"A narcissistic sociopath as truly that is what the man who now calls himself Prem Rawat is....and a fraud, conman, deceptive predator...."
(Where have I heard that before?)
It only took me thirty-six years to arrive at that conclusion. (I keep telling folks here that I'm a bit slow on the uptake! ) And I couldn't even have done that without the enormous help and courage of the posters on this forum.
And I can surely be that witness from 1975 all right. I didn't even begin to tell the stories of children given Hindu names by premie parents who were bummed-out because they couldn't drop everything and move into the ashram... and so on.
Thank you for your kind words.
Bob
Modified by lakeshore at Sat, Apr 27, 2024, 07:17:36
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I deeply appreciate your reflection...and an honest one! I say that as with the brainwashing the cult members were/are under damages their capacity to have inner clarity and offer it externally
yes! I feel relieved and sooo grateful and in awe that I made it through clear enough to not be entrapped by the mirage snare!
I do feel I have a tremendous more to share that sheds light on the experience the premie's children (in our youth and adulthood) have/suffer with our parent(s) in a cult...that will come in diving timing ...I notice I almost deleted "divine" because of the MISUSE of that word my the mirage and all connected to him in that way ...AND MY connection with God IS MINE and he can, NO ONE, can ever take that from me, from any of us...unless we let them...and that is the clue, the inner wisdom, I am in shock and sadness my father missed
I appreciate your advice and sharing
blessings to all,
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https://www.prem-rawat-bio.org/library/delaski/lettinglifehappen.html
Confronting cult members head on tends to make them dig in their heels. Some have suggested showing them articles about other cults may be helpful so they can make the connections themselves. It’s pretty clear to me that the cult seems to be using talking points, pretty desperate sounding ones I think to anyone who is not a member, but premies are invested, and after a lifetime of “never leave room for doubt” and the ideas of Maya and Lila. All having morphed into mind/heart the presence your breath but same basic ways to thought stop.. I guess I would say I am suprised when Premies will question Prem, not when they won’t.
I have talked to quite a few children of premies, I was one too, my stepfather. These stories matter. So glad you listened to your gut.
Thank you for telling your story.
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hi Susan! thanks for your response and ALL your generous and what I find centered, thought/heart-ful, spot on and thorough posts/responses here and what I have on FB glimpses (without a FB account)
I mostly appreciate you capacity from clearly a healed and wise place in regards to sexual abuse experience how you stand in truth to those who painfully lack compassion and caring to those of us who have experienced sexual abuse, that is all in regards to Hans' courageous speaking out
I have never spoken with other adults who grew up as children of premies, and honestly, not even my brother....for many years we have been estranged as he was very abusive with me from as young as I remember til I was 14 and by then I felt no bond with him...it is actually the healing I have been blessed with in these past 11 days of finding all this truth telling about the mirage and that my dad WAS in a cult that I have been propelled, thankfully!, into profound compassion and grief for the tragic results the cult, and losing our father still has on my brother....because now I get it was the cult leader's direct orders to leave your family (I had no idea to what extent this was so with my father) that caused my father to abandon us for two years, and when my mother got us reconnected it was never the same closeness, ever.
thank you for honoring me listening to my gut...I appreciate so deeply being seen here, supportive, and valued for my true real experience.
blessings and gratitude, Yasma
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Is that the sound of things falling into place?
Good for you yarma! Cults are much easier to recognise from the outside. Since you were brought up in one how were you to know any different? Might be even harder than for a signed up cult member who at least knew life from before their cult involvement.
I sense your excitement at making sense of things. We here at least can appreciate that. But I'm guessing your mother and other premies you know won't be so pleased. The notion that she's been barking up the wrong tree for 50 years won't be made any more palatable because it happens to be the truth. I have a brother that's been involved just as long. He hasn't spoken to me in 10 years ( perhaps because I post here?) but if we were in a room together I doubt I'd mention the cult. That sleeping dog can lie.
Wishing you well in assimilating your discoveries.
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thank you! this truly struck me:Since you were brought up in one how were you to know any different? Might be even harder than for a signed up cult member who at least knew life from before their cult involvement.
I still feel shock I was affected by the cult as I always knew it wasn't for me...yet I did not believe it was possible my father was actually in a cult even though I heard rumors, perhaps from my mother, or other family members (all not into the mirage or DLM)...I realize now had no idea that it was a cult! thus I WAS affected, I get this with shock and humility...thank you for your words here it helps it all sink in more deeply for clarity and freedom
well wishes, Yasma
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thank you! this truly struck me:Since you were brought up in one how were you to know any different? Might be even harder than for a signed up cult member who at least knew life from before their cult involvement.
I still feel shock I was affected by the cult as I always knew it wasn't for me...yet I did not believe it was possible my father was actually in a cult even though I heard rumors, perhaps from my mother, or other family members (all not into the mirage or DLM)...I realize now had no idea that it was a cult! thus I WAS affected, I get this with shock and humility...thank you for your words here it helps it all sink in more deeply for clarity and freedom
well wishes, Yasma
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OH!!! and deep gratitude for finding the mention Don made of my father in the book he wrote - that super helped me with learning something about my father I never knew and put more pieces of the puzzle together!! I feel warmness that you found that for me and shared it!! . I felt surely Don would have a least mentioned my dad yet was not able to find it on that website
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Your messages warm my heart too. Please feel free to reach out to me. On messenger if some way to know you really are who you are or via someone here. I like when JHB relays a message though I feel bad he has to take on that role. Things are so contentious right now, I can attest to stories of people posing as ex/former Premies to get to Hans or Shana or find out “what” people know or ask for information. I have to be kind of rude to people on messenger or ignore them. Not my usual way of being and I don’t like thinking I hurt an innocent person’s feelings. But as we all know, rude and malicious people know well how to take advantage of politeness.
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that would be lovely, I have no FB account yet perhaps will join to support Hans and Shana....until then my email is:
we are beginning camping today for a few weeks at least and please understand any delays in responses on my part as we don't always have cell reception at places we camp
well wishes, Yasma
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I actually typed that page up with the book sitting on the desk in front of me and yet I had completely forgotten that part of Don deLaski's story. I remembered the more interestingly weird stuff about his interest in Edgar Cayce and other bizarros who made Rawat look middle of the road respectable.
It does show how for every bongo there was an intelligent, hard-working premie like Swimming Free and Roark and the people mentioned in the book and unfortunately that doesn't prevent you falling down the Rawat rabbit-hole with Alice where you can believe 10 impossible things about Prem Rawat before breakfast and forget some when Rawat changes the story and learn new ones for 50 years
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Nt
Modified by Susan at Fri, Apr 26, 2024, 15:46:48
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it's great to get such strong corroboration of how helpful it is to know the truth of your parents.
I have no idea how you broach the topic with her - gently is all that comes to mind. 
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thanks lesley!! your advice creates a warmness in my heart, thank you that helps.
and, yes, the truth about my father - shocking and such a relief....and a healing for him I feel even in pure spirit he is... I feel it is healing his and mine relationship, and I hope for him and my brother, for our whole, though has been broken and hurting, family....this is why my profound gratitude for everyone who posts here, on all the other ex-premie sites, the newspaper articles/interviews, jokes about the cult and its leader, images of the greed/lust of the cult leader, the FB posts shared here....it all is bringing such healing to me and thus my family, and all healing affects all of life for we are one family
blessings and gratitude, Yasma
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Hi Yasma-I knew your dad fairly well during the late 70's and early 80's....I could talk a bit more, esp. about dealing with premies, but I like to keep a low profile around here, as some exes have been harassed over the years....if there's away to contact you or communicate more, let me know, perhaps we can email or talk offline from the forum in some way....best wishes..
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hi!
please, I would love that
thank you, I feel tears in my heart to connect with someone who knew my father fairly well as me and my brother did not...especially once we were 10 and 12 (1980 onward) that was when the wall was ever more between my father and us as we weren't premies and had no interest in the mirage or DLM/EV...so deep gratitude for your responding, reaching out and willingness to engage with me
my partner and I are about to begin camping again today....we are on a journey called forth into the world with a few belonging left in a storage unit in virginia (usa) and everything else in or on top of our station wagon...going as Spirit flows us forth...we are headed north in californina, usa to visit with my beloved uncle, my father's brother, whom my father shut off from for ten years causing great pain and loss....onto more my healing for my family
thus again, PROFOUND GRATITUDE for you and all here, and all the other resources so lovingly offered on the internet to assist more of us in being free and healed from the damage from the cult and the cult leader
so please understand it may sometimes take a few days to get messages (here and email) as sometimes we camp where there is no cell reception
well wishes, Yasma
Modified by Yasma at Mon, Apr 29, 2024, 13:46:37
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I'll be in touch. Good luck with your journey.
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