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| I got ptsd at Amaroo |  | ||
| Re: Re: Proximity to the lie keeps you enmeshed in it -- eDrek | Top of thread | Post Reply | Forum |
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Yes, like Flying Solo it was about being a good premie for me and clearly I didn't have sufficient stubbornness to stick to the principle of it didn't matter where you are or maybe I was just being stubbornly accommodating - doing everything I could to live up to premiehood. I am glad FS was able to connect and feel the beauty of the land itself - the little birds around the billabong, the wallabies at home on the grassland, the quiet rustles in the bush and this little range of hills benignly presiding over it all. Looking back it is so stark in my experience, the difference between being there before and being there during an event. Hear the helicopter arriving and that is the end of the peace and quiet. And I stayed long enough to witness the peace restored when Rawat left. So the premies blamed the entourage and Rawat blamed the entourage and really it was stressful having them there but certainly in my experience I can say I witnessed how it was the arrival and departure of Rawat that was the factor which destroyed the peace and then restored it. ah the irony of it. oh the shame of it - he degrades a place that has been treated so well by the wallabies and the birds, and in the past - it has a good spirit. I didn't know it at the time, but I got ptsd out of being fired from my service in the finance tent - I remember looking down into my lap to check my hands were still there, the sensation that they had been blown off was so real. There were my hands, they looked normal and yet it was an accurate perception - my ability to fill out forms began to fail and I know we all find them stressful but I went from being good at it to having to recognise, 25 years later, it has just got worse with time not better. It's not that I don't still have the skill set to fill out forms, it's just that I completely fall apart at the first hurdle and need help to get through it. So I have a bridge partner who has been helping me navigate Airbnb and finally she realised what was happening with me and at the right moment she gave me a little shove to handle it myself and it worked - I had the experience of tackling the hurdles of form filling in a way that reminded me of how I used to do it, it was a good feeling. Yeah really, so grateful to be out. There are still some true believers stuck in that cult - idk, it might not seem so miserable to them as I imagine it to be. We can adapt to handle obstacles, can't we - in the same way a plant will grow around a rock or the way I managed my life to be as form free as possible - but eventually I needed help, and now I have been lucky enough to have help in restoring my ability and that seems a better way to go. I cannot help but think the premies who are still there in all sincerity are going to need to wake up and help themselves before the day is done. |
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Peace Bomb!!