Hello, I’ve just found this forum and it’s been quite gut wrenching to be honest.

To pretence, I am in my late 20s - located in the US. I would rather not give any more info, as I am not interested in embarrassing, or ‘shunning’ my parent from their play club. 

I love my parent to pieces, but I cannot see a smooth, pain free disenfranchise from the play club happening, 

therefore I am not looking for any advise on how to ‘undo’, but would just like to share my experience and hopefully help anyone else who may have similar feelings find comfort and solace 

My single parent is definitely heavily invested, but unlike a lot of you (it seems), they’ve not had a whole load of success in gaining up the ranks - moreso content with the ‘mid tier’ rank. 

That being said, they’ve still attended expensive trips across the world to try and meet the supreme leader 

(from here onwards, I will be describing he who shall not be named as Kim Jong Un as I find the resemblance uncanny, and frankly disappointed this isn’t more common on this forum)

A lot of my young childhood was spent watching continuous videos and tapes of Kim rambling with no end goal, it never made sense to me and I could never understand any of the messages. 

I was very upfront with my criticism as a child and very early on rejected most of his ‘content’ - by the time I reached my early teens I would always leave the room/pull out my phone/ do anything else to make it clear that I can’t find interest in listening to ‘the message’.

I remember my parent receiving their copy of ‘the keys’ - becoming rather agitated and angered when they misplaced one of the boxes, accusing me of touching it. Inevitably it was found later on that day.

A lot of my parents’ friends were supposedly ‘premies’ although this became apparent that most of them weren’t, but mostly sympathisers to my parents brainswashed devotion to the holy supreme leader. A lot of them are still friends with my parent, but I have noticed 1 or 2 take advantage of their vulnerability - asking for money, lifts etc (sound familiar?) - as I have gotten older I have been able to stop this. 

Some interaction with my parents family are very awkward - sometimes felt like I was the older in that situation, with my toddler spouting nonsense. However it must be said this was not an often occurrence. 

I would never reconcile with anyone else (i.e bring the cult up with uncles/aunts and talk about how dumb it is) as I would find that to be majorly disrespectful and and unloyal, however the eye contact that was made by family members screamed “I am so sorry you go through this”

I have become very bitter surrounding the whole situation which I why I have come across this forum looking for answers 

I have a strong feeling this devotion is what caused my parent marriage to break down. I do hold a lot of anger and resentment for this

It has honestly been heart crushing coming to this realisation, but I’m hoping confronting my fears will allow me to make peace with myself, and hopefully improve my relationship with that parent 

I would be keen to talk to anyone who has had similar experiences 

P.s sorry this was written terribly - I just needed to get this out