An early drip
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Posted by: Lp ® 02/16/2007, 12:59:26 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin

It was a dark and stormy night in the winter of '69--'70, in a West Ken. basement. The total no. of premies in the West was about 20. Charan Anand, had given knowledge to just one guy, with me assisting. He was one whom the beatles might have called "one of the beautiful people", a gentle souled flower child called Rory. (I first met him years before at a party in Chelsea, in the kitchen where we talking on a pretty cosmic level with Robin Williamson of the Incredible String Band. On the table sat a large jug of orange juice laced to the tune of about 500 mics. of LSD per glass.) When Charan had finished, Rory started to weep. "Aahhh" said Charan, thinking he was weeping for joy. But he wasn't. He said: "That's it? All my high expectations of a great revelation of God, all this waiting for days and nights listening to your talks, raising my hopes into thinking it was going to be a mind blowing experience, better than acid? Just press on your eyes? What's that?" "Explain Saph", said Charan. I tried, but I saw he had a point. Mahatmaji was visibly disturbed. We gave up trying to persuade him that it was quite profound. I was quite seriously triggered into doubt myself. Rory calmed down and said, "I'm leaving London, I'm going to go to Findhorn, to live and work up there on the land". He went outside. I went with him saying: "I'll walk to the station with you". I confided in him that I kind of knew how he felt and gave up trying to make him understand the "techniques". He said "You should come to Findhorn". It sounded like freedom. But I felt bound by my vows. I saw him off on the train and went back. I said to mahatmaji, "Well actually I felt that way myself when I first got knowledge." I asked Charan to explain away these doubts. He couldn't, but somehow the few premies there managed to shame me into shutting up and the moment passed. I can't explain why, but for some reason it is hard to leave. As Joe said it's amazing any of us escaped when you see how stuck some premies got. Modified by Lp at Fri, Feb 16, 2007, 17:19:15

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Small moments that get missed Re: An early drip -- Lp Top of thread Archive Posted by: hamzen ® 02/16/2007, 13:13:10 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin Scary really how many of them we all had over a long period of time, I do think it's about our need to believe because we were way oversensitive about everything, classic denial really. If not true for everyone definitely think it was true for me. Previous Recommend Current page Next Yes we wanted something to believe in Re: Small moments that get missed -- hamzen Top of thread Archive Posted by: Lp ® 02/16/2007, 14:12:26 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin  We wanted it to be true.  And it seemed like a nice gig at the time.  I think that was definitely true for me too Hamzen. Previous Recommend Current page Next Re: Yes we wanted something to believe in Re: Yes we wanted something to believe in -- Lp Top of thread Archive Posted by: Joe ® 02/16/2007, 15:03:23 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin Absolutely.  People can rationalize anything if they really want to believe it.  I think as a premie, it was a combination of wanting to believe it (at first), and then it became a need to believe it because in the meantime a lot of negative, fear was built into it all by Rawat.  Plus, the often underrated need to believe because if you don't, then you have to admit that you shouldn't have ever believed in the first place, and much of what you have invested is wasted.  There was a part of me that felt it was better to just go on believing than to face that. Modified by Joe at Fri, Feb 16, 2007, 15:04:31 Previous Recommend Current page Next Remembering how I rationalized away doubts Re: Re: Yes we wanted something to believe in -- Joe Top of thread Archive Posted by: Lp ® 02/16/2007, 15:24:34 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin makes it easier to understand how premies can turn a blind eye even to hard evidence. The fear of Rawat is a very real factor, and is entirely due to the god belief. This point is especially valid, I think.               "Plus, the often underrated need to believe because if you don't, then you have to admit that you shouldn't have ever believed in the first place, and much of what you have invested is wasted. There was a part of me that felt it was better to just go on believing than to face that." Modified by Lp at Fri, Feb 16, 2007, 15:25:16 Previous Recommend Current page Next Re: Remembering how I rationalized away doubts Re: Remembering how I rationalized away doubts -- Lp Top of thread Archive Posted by: Cynthia ® 02/16/2007, 15:57:13 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin I was a basketcase really.  My doubts were tucked into a tight pocketbook in my head preventing me from picking around at them and taking a good look.  I was too busy doing service.  For him.  There was no time for me in the cult, only Maharaji.  Some self-discovery trip, eh?  Sheesh, I was gullible. Following Maharaji wasn't about cosmetics either, (him and his stupid shell) it was about the primal purpose of my life, let's not forget.  Last time I looked the primal purpose of my life is important shit in a person's life.  Am I wrong? That's the primordial vibration of all existence, folks.  The elan vital -- not our breath -- but the unfathomable force of Creation that moves our breath, our lives.  That's what Maharaji  said he revealed.  That's pretty big, right? But, it's not enough for Maharaji to just give me a gift of "peace and love," he had to fuck with my self-determination and freedom of thought.  The belief-system is quite all encompassing as far as manipulators go. And still, my doubts were fleeting and short-lived.  I've had ample time now to remember times in the cult when I've felt really, really good versus the black depts of dispair.  Why did I feel dispair?  Because I was feeling so lost and separated  from myself.  I was too busy focusing on him.  I had disappeared. Sorry, I ramble today...but having fun being indignant. Modified by Cynthia at Fri, Feb 16, 2007, 16:04:59 Previous Recommend Current page Next Isn't this weird? Re: Re: Remembering how I rationalized away doubts -- Cynthia Top of thread Archive Posted by: Lp ® 02/16/2007, 16:03:08 Author Profile Alert Forum Admin Here we are scattered far and wide around the whole wide world and yet we all share the same intimate recollection and clear visual memory of some guy's feet! Hmm I could have sworn I saw a reference to feet just now, ye gads I must be seeing things. It's worse than I thought. But really I take your point, he could have taught meditation without trying to possess our inner being and controlling our deepest life motivations: purely psychopathological behaviour. Was it because he could wring more out of us? Or is that sedistic pleasure itself his main motive, material gains being only proof of our submission, and his absolute control over our most essential being? Really sick. And some still praise him to the highest and defend him with their own life, not seeing what he has made them into or how he has done it. Modified by Lp at Fri, Feb 16, 2007, 16:43:42 Previous Recommend Current page Next