However far from giving up trying to merge I was more into it in the late 70's as my life cirumstances had changed and I had more time to commit to ss&m. But I considered that if you were making the effort (and it wasn't that hard for me as I preferred ss&m to other activites) there was nothing to worry about as the results were out of your control. It seems to be a given in the "spiritual life" as recorded by those who have become famous for their efforts therein that the Grace of God was very very necessary to achieve realisation and I was prepared to let God to his side of the job and I would just concentrate on the ss&m.

While I wasn't part of the gopi scene I respected peoples' differences and appreciated that bhakti was as valid as jnana and I thought that if Rawat and God had a significant relationship all would be revealed in the fullness of time and by golly it was.