Hi Jean-Michel!  Yes, you hit it on the nail!  I had no idea how much fear was involved for me as a premie, until I accidentally came across epo for the first time! I had been getting a bit bored with the same old people writing the same old stuff on ELK, so I idled around with Google and Maharaji as a key word, looking for I know not what!  It was a shock for sure, coming across the epo website.   First of all to learn that there were people out there who dared to criticise M.   Of course the only thing I could do at the time was dismiss it as quickly as I could from my consciousness.  But a seed had been planted.  There were some things there that resonated with some doubts I'd had myself over the years.  So some time later, I checked in again, with great fear and trembling.  God knows what I thought might happen to me?!  A bolt of lightning?  M appearing on the screen to save me from such a fall?  I don't know.  But when I think about it, it's laughable!  Here's a grown woman of mature years, intelligent, living in a democracy (however less than perfect that might be) and I'm afraid to see some information about the Teacher I've been following because it presents some less than savory truths and a picture of another side to the whole story?!!!  Nuts, of course, that anyone would have any problem with this!  But it was a very clear demonstration to me of just how much fear is in the mix of premiehood!  It's like the fear of having to give up an adddiction to a substance or a person-- you think you'll die if you do, no matter how bad it has become!

(P.S. You don't die.)

Cheers!  And Vive le doubtmaker! (don't know the French for that word)

Shelagh