Candy,

Over the years on the ex-premie forum, so many former premies have said that they were so lonely while followers of Prem Rawat.  I know I was.  My loneliness stemmed from the belief that M instilled in me and other premies through his words, that he was the only person a premie needed in his life.  I believed that thoroughly.  I "longed" to be with Maharaji in every way.  Well, that's loneliness in the extreme.

I was pinned to the belief that Maharaji was my father -- that was a belief endorsed by him, all of us premies, and even by his wife, who became our "Mother" when Marolyn/Durga Ji married Prem Rawat.  But, I never really knew him because he's always been unapproachable by most premies, even ones who are the closest to him. 

It was even a sin to miss Maharaji, because he was also "within inside" via Holy Name (breath technique) and we were led to believe that Knowledge was Maharaji.  What an awful thing to get people to believe -- that your guru is inside of you!

When I worked for him at DECA, he barely even made eye contact with the people who loved him the most in the world:  His devotees, now called "students." Being a premie is a very lonely existence because the person a premie loves the most is no more than an imaginary friend, an emperor with no clothes.

Love to you,

Cynthia