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Lakeshore-I couldn't post a reply for some reason.I think you need to make one correction: It wasn't Dr. Kassorla who made the comment about "all of the groups...etc", but the management team they brought in...Dr. Kassorla was the therapist who worked with prem and Marilyn originally. Michael Deters said it seemed to work at first, bu then fell apart. I think the business consultant was Will Schultz (sp?)...
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Correction made. That explains why Michael mentioned Will in his quote.
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Will Schutz
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Schutz
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You wrote loses instead of losses.
Completely pedantic.
But it gives me the excuse to say what a brilliant summary that is. You could imagine everyone left in the cult, reading through that, and leaving. That would be the logical thing. But what's logic got to do with it?
When people leave though, they are looking for a new narrative to make sense of their experience. I hope, as I'm sure you do, that your piece helps someone along their way.
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Darn! A silly little s. So close. Last minute tinkering again. 
I don't know what to say. I appreciate the replies because I almost dragged it to my recycle bin. Except for the comic relief and camaraderie, I hope no one thinks I get any satisfaction from this. Posting about such serious topics is immensely sobering.
Then we're left wondering about how what we write affects the people who read it. Who are they? Why are they here? Why don't we hear from them? It's a peculiar feeling to do your best to express something that seems so obvious only to be left wondering.
I thought about putting it to rest by replying to my own post. I thought about switching hats and defending Prem Rawat, self-knowledge and the family by posing as a sophisticated, social elite premie/follower who's so self-realized, clear and conscious that their condescending, belittling and passively biting rationalizations leave no room for doubt.
Or maybe there's a person out there on the brink of tears coming face to face with what it all means and the inevitable consequences of accepting the devestating truth about Prem Rawat. That's enough to bring me to the brink of tears because I remember what it was like.
To that person I say that as difficult as the initial pain, confusion, disorientation and heartache may be - as dark and empty as the void appears - please know that what follows is one of the rarest and most precious feelings a human being can have.
Modified by lakeshore at Wed, Mar 13, 2024, 14:29:01
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"what follows is one of the rarest and most precious feelings a human being can have"
Although I generally stand by the feeling or sentiment behind that contention, it was a bit much and perhaps just a little bit overdramatic. I've never been a parent and I can easily come-up with many more examples of extraordinary feelings and peak experiences.
What I was trying to convey is that as you're moving away from something you've invested so much in for most of your life - everything... more than I can put into words - you suddenly find yourself in uncharted territory. Suddenly you're left with no one but yourself and more questions about yourself than you've probably ever had to honestly deal with. How did this happen? What was it about me? I thought I was smarter than that. What's left of me? Now what? The list goes on.
Even the place you've always retreated to, the shelter within, is suddenly called into question. After all, even that is nothing without Prem Rawat.
My point is that getting to know your SELF in such a real, unvarnished way without any crutches, a process that unfolds over a long period of time (cult recovery) is deeply rewarding and I can't emphasize that enough. What emerges on the other end is far better, and far better than anything you ever expected.
I hope that's better.
Modified by lakeshore at Thu, Mar 14, 2024, 06:58:48
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I dunno that it needed correcting but this is such a good post in itself.
Any premie facing the devastation of losing their beliefs needs to know that what is to come is so much better than it might feel right now.
And you nailed it - it's getting to know yourself all over again. At the end of the day, at any tick of the clock it's having your own company - so ironic isn't it!
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I was going to add some and I was looking for a reference and I found this. So often I think, this had to have been a premie, but really, all cults work pretty much the same.
"Another client spent many years in a very high position in a cult. While with the guru, she had perfected the techniques of dissociation. She stilled her mind to the point of being able to witness and endure abuse without naming or experiencing it as such, and she was thereby able to firmly maintain her complete and total passivity and submission. As her recovery began and she looked back on all those years of complete, unquestioning submission, it was as if all her dissociation broke loose. She was flooded with a lifetime of suppressed terror and rage. She was frightened that telling the truth about her guru and what had happened would somehow bring retribution; she was frightened that maybe she was wrong, and the guru was right. Outbursts of panicked rage were followed by deep feelings of shame, and by fears that she was irretrievably damaged. After painful emotional dysregulation continued for months, her sense of self shifted when she read the accounts of others who were describing their abuse in the group. Her decision to join those online who had taken a stand, and to begin to tell her story, was a demarcation line for her. Shame and fear began to give way to a sense of herself as part of a healing community in which she could play a meaningful role."
https://www.icsahome.com/elibrary/topics/articles/the-heart-of-cult-recovery-compassion-for-the-self
I feel ironically that what is gained in leaving is what Prem Rawat promises. We gain the ability to hear ourselves. We won't be special anymore with some bliss secret. We will be able to as much as any human can deal with life honestly.
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yes, and it really is a bit special, everything we learned through the process of leaving the cult - just to add to the irony. 
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Sometimes the question pops up, "Was there anything good about being in the cult." Up until now, the best answers I could come up with is that I ended up in Chicago and I learned how to cook some good vegetarian meals.
But it is ironic and interesting to imagine that the process of leaving is something unique and even profound in some ways. For a lot of us, there was a specific thing in our background that paved the way for us to join in the first place. Going there and then breaking free again does something to us and I would like to think we are all better for it. We do really understand liberation in a way that we might otherwise have not.
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yes, there's a definite something. I feel like there's a safety factor - like getting an antibody, I guess. And maybe an extra sparkle to the humour.
and the warmth, of course of unfettered self company.
Maybe the thing in all our backgrounds that paved the way to joining a cult is God. The idea of a singular supernatural being who is intimately and ultimately relevant to us all.
It's the scale that's the issue isn't it. One to all? Who would want that!
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I had been a dedicated attender of festivals and events, and then I didn't go to one that wasn't far away.
A few premies phoned to see what had happened and the last who called, I told her I'd left what I now considered a cult. She took that on board, and then said wow, so how does that feel? I checked. And answered, sincerely, liberating.
The irony.
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What happened afterwards with the premie woman and your relationship with her. It seems so progressive for her to ask you that. Mostly premies shirk away like vampires at dawn when they hear something like that.
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I've only seen her once since, at a friend's funeral. We live at opposite ends of the country, otherwise I'd pop round for a cup of tea.
She was fine. Both pleased to see each other. Neither of us mentioned the cult.
She's the only premie to have asked that, how does it feel. She's very inclusive! I'd have been surprised to be shunned.
Yes, normally they shy away. Occasionally I see premies I know around town, some I've known since we were in our teens or early 20's. We check on the health situation, and the weather, and that's it. No-one asks anyone else about their cult status.
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