The anger comes from the deep betrayal of giving myself so deeply to him for so long. I made a lifetime vow to him, with no thought of caring for myself and how I would ever survive on my own, as I never expected to have to live on my own. At age 30 I was cast out into the world with no life skills, no education, no ability to work beyond minimum wage cooking jobs. I was very stunted in my emotional maturity. It ruined several relationships, including my marriage. I was still a twenty year old in every way except physically. I didn't know how to navigate in the world. Also, having no medical care for ten years didn't adversely effect me too much, luckily, but having no dental care for ten years resulted in the loss of my teeth. I have dentures now. Economically, this impacted me severely. I have retired with no pension and a meager social security payment, due in part for having not paid into SS for the ten years in the ashram. 

Is that enough to be resentful for? 

I have a lot of personal emotional work to do, but nothing will give me my teeth back. Nothing will increase my Social Security payment beyond living in poverty. Each month I have to be frugal and juggle things to get through. I blame Prem for using me to build his billion dollar empire. 

What do you blame him for?

Karen