Wow, I didn't realise that you had held on as a follower so long. I found this place I guess around 2 years later, so I didn't know your origin story.
The way I got over my brainwashed fear back in the 1980s was similar. It was like there was this internal argument going on inside my head. One side was saying, "This is crazy, there is so much hypocrisy, manipulation and Maharaji is just downright self-centred and abusive. Get the hell out."
Then the other frightened irrational side was saying, "But what if he really is ..." So it was almost like a Jedi mind trick I did to myself to overcome the fear. Like you, I just said to myself, "Well if this is what God is about, he creates an entire universe, creates pain and suffering where the only way out is to worship him and be a slave to him complete with his abusive and nasty behaviour, just to appease his pathological narcissism, than I would rather just burn in hell."
It worked. I was out and never turned back for a second. And yeah, those were just silly, irrational and empty fears anyway. Taking my power back and taking responsibility for my life has been uphill ever since.
