While I mentioned its effects on premies, I neglected to mention the degree to which that fear prevents ex-premies/former followers from speaking out. Thank you for emphasizing that and shedding light on Prem protecting his money-making operation as an incentive.
"seeing his nasty and revengeful, full of hate look in his eyes, looking at me with a threatening dismissive way at the backstage, knowing I have left his cult, ordering his minions to "take me out of the picture" etc."
That sounds like a flashback of an actual living nightmare, the "nasty side" of himself that he described that gives rise to all the fear being discussed... the legitimate and real fear that you describe.
I gather from your being subject to an NDA, having nightmares of being backstage with him and your hints of other things you can't talk about, that you were close. I really look forward to the day when you can tell your story and even if it never comes, congratulations on your escape! It even makes me breathe easier.
