At this point, I think it is only reasonable to consider myself a failure. A worthless piece of trash was the phrase in my head when I was waking up the other morning.
I feel so screwed up I can't do my artwork any more - I am struggling to complete the works on my table I don't last more than 2 - 15 minutes in a stretch, or nothing at all yesterday, thank goodness for the garden, it is Spring coming and so dry but I am propagating in pots ready to plant flowers when some rain comes.
I'm pretty confident I didn't have an intent to abandon myself. Yes - misdirected - pushed off my trail, my concerns dismissed as foolish.
I have feelings of gratefulness I made the journey back to myself. I even feel some pride over it! I cannot evade the consequences but I don't feel at fault for being vulnerable - that just makes me a normal human being, ready to bear my responsibilities and cooperate.
I'm not entirely sure but i think I've pretty much forgiven myself.
500 miles!?