Before the Rawat intervention in my life I had a plan, it too was whimsical in beginning in that it happened because I was given a book on Zen macrobiotics and decided I would do it.  First it's just rice and water and the flame to cook it, then you add twig tea and gamasio - a mix of toasted sesame seeds and salt, then weeks and weeks later you started to add vegetables.  I had a good sized vegetable plot growing and was getting close to the vegetables when the premie turned up.

It might not sound like much but I look back and think it was interesting and would have led somewhere.

Live satsang had finished some time before and then I remember hearing the weekly video event was cancelled, it was an odd moment.  I was doing the washing up and looking out the window at the rainforest and I thought oh well there's the cassettes and I'm ashamed to say that is where I went.  I started listening to them in the car as I drove.

Just recently you pointed out the lack of content in all the satsang - nothing memorable at all.  Yet it became like a secret world where I would put on the tape and I guess therefore stop listening to myself.

Eventually the point came where I have found the forum and exit the cult and up comes the question what do I do now and the answer is immediate, pick up my clay.  Again it is nothing spectacular, like the vegetables but it's interesting again, isn't it.