Hey.....whatever your name is

Well, to start out here, you might understand that it's a little weird to be told that you know me, but you won't tell me who you are in the course of the heart to heart discussion about things like feeling.

I'm wondering if you feel the need to conceal your identity from me, and if so why; I mean if you know me, you know that isn't an issue.  You can do a private message if you don't want others to know, and I always maintain confidences if for some reason you need to remain anonymous to others, although I frankly can't see why that would be an issue either.  What, exactly is the problem with that?

Secondly, even if you do know me from years ago, how do you know how I feel now?  And really, you probably have no idea how I really felt then, either, isn't that true?  I mean, really?  Just thought I would mention that.  

In reading your post, "Ghi," I'm sure you are thinking that I'm way too caught up in thinking, in analyzing everything, and I'm somehow missing the good feelings of life.  If I were coming from where you are, I would be thinking the same, and it's pretty much what I thought about people who left knowledge when I was still a premie.  I just thought, "man, they make it so complicated, when it's just an experience, and it's so simple, it's so beautiful, and you don't have to think about it, and I just enjoy it, so what is the big deal?"

I kind of got that impression from this:

Well, I don't think you mean "rationalization" which is how people deal with things like cognitive dissonance, or maybe having to justify something for which there is no actual evidence, or perhaps lots of evidence to the contrary.   And really, Ghi as a premie, I did TONS of rationalization, all the time.  You know, I was not to let doubt enter my mind (or I guess leave room for it), so I either did holy name, or I rationalized, every time the contradictions came up, like when I was miserable, when I thought Rawat was a creep, when I realized knowledge didn't "work," when I felt stuck in this philosophy that my mind was my enemy, and stuff like that.

Anyhow,  I think you probably meant "rational thought."  But it's surprising that you would think that I wouldn't think that feeling is an important part of life.  So, that's what leads me to think you've kind of "rationalized" how I could be the way I am, especially since you probably knew me as a devoted (or as much as I could be) premie, who kissed Rawat's feet many times, who practiced knowledge, and tried to dedicate my life to furthering it's spread.

But really, who on earth has said otherwise about the importance of feeling?  I have lots of feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, some very strong and some very mellow, and when I think about them, I can tell you what they are.  I mean, I put words on them. 

Then, I might construct a theory of where they came from, or what they mean, or why they are happening to me, or I might rely on somebody else like a therapist to tell me what they are. 

Then, say if I join a religion, or if I have a "master' who tells me I can have nice experiences if I do certain things, and then I have them sometimes, I will then believe that he's right, and that's where the feeling comes from.  This is a belief system -- a rudimentary one, but a belief system nonetheless.  And if the "master" tells me this isn't a belief system, that it's just pure experience, I might believe that too, because, really, "Ghi" it is a belief system that it's not a belief system, right?

Well, fair enough.  You know what you feel, right, and I don't.   And if that was really what Rawat was all about, I wouldn't have anything to say about it (except for the revisionism and hiding of his past, but let's set that aside for the moment).

 But tell me this, what do you call the "fulfillment" you feel, and where do you think it comes from?  Down below you called it this:

The essence of life is the magic behind stillness, music, symmetry, love, and growth.

Well, that's kind of going beyond just enjoying practicing knowledge and going to see Rwaat, isn't it?  I mean, you have a universal now, a ...... belief about what the fulfullment is.  And then, Rawat tells people that's what it is, right?  He does programs and says stuff like that, over and over and over, and then if somebody goes through the "keys," that's what they are going to hear over and over and over before they even get the techniques.

So, you kind of have a belief system all set up before somebody gets the thing that isn't supposed to be associated with a belief system.

See, Ghi, once you get out of it, it's all very obvious.  There is this "a ha" experience you have, when you realize that just below the surface, you've known that all along.  Then you can be "fulfilled" without any of that stuff, and really, what I found, is that life got a lot more "real," and at first it was a little bit hard, because being a premie separated me, or provided a kind of protective barrier between me and life.  And when you get rid of it, you might feel a little sensitive to things, but over time, it feels like freedom, and like a burden is lifted.  Again, that's the way it was for me.

Maybe if I had liked Rawat more, I might have stayed a premie longer, but I never really liked him, felt attracted to him, or felt I "loved" him, so I never really had the personality cult draw anyhow.  So, for me it was all about knowledge, and I guess the premies, too.