I too was a kind of "rebel" premie, even tho I did a lot of security. I knew how to spot the "bongos" because deep down I was one. I dont feel as much bitterness as I used to about maharaji. For me, it was always about maharaji.
There was (is) the "stage" maharaji and the "personal "maharaji. Funny thing is that being with maharaji personally was alot of fun most of the time. I was never in the inner circle, but close to it sometimes and I never understood why they ,the pams,were so serious all the time.

Bear