Hi Cynthia

As Hamzen pointed out I owe my fame in UK to arranging travel to international festivals in the 70s. I enjoyed those years (when I was also in the ashram), all the euphoria and excitement...When the ashrams closed I was ready and happy to move on but I did not like the way this was handled by M. If I remember correctly I stopped practicing K for a while as a result of this but then got back into it again as I surrendered to M's charm. In the 80s and 90s I did what I could as a good premie to help out with things. In the 90s found the whole thing increasingly dysfunctional and found myself becoming more of a moaner.                 

 I remember once having this heated chat with a friend who had become a (militant) ex. He challenged me to tell him what exactly I had been "learning" as a premie and after a brief pause searching for an appropriate answer I blurted out " Humility". I still remember his pained expression as if he was chewing on something horrible. Some years later I came to the end of my humility line and began to find humility , well, humiliating.  I guess I was growing out of the devotional mindset and wanted a more mutually respectful relationship with M. At first I felt there were some signs that M too wanted this so I hung in there. In the end I think the introduction of Expressions made me realise that my hopes for a more grown up relationship with M were never going to be realised. 

Goodbye humility, hopefully not Hello arrogance...I think they are both cries for recognition and if we are not suffering from one we are suffering from the other. (sorry, can't help slipping into philosophising.)

I know this is very sketchy but hope it works as an intro..

warm regards  

Bulent