Hi Mike, Tempora and friends...

It was reading the letters of Jim Sander to EV in an earlier thread that has prompted me to post this.                                                                                                                                         Like Jim I too had written to EV (about the same time) expressing my deep unease about the mindboggling revisionism and my concern that this would only create bigger problems in the future. I felt strongly that a whiter than white approach to criticism would be counterproductive. Like Jim, I too failed to make an impression and like Jim, I too felt deeply what he calls the "moral bind" and eventually moved on.(without ever getting a reply from EV) 

There is no hiding my sense of disappointment and sadness after 30 long years of involvement but life goes on.The sun does shine both on premies and ex's. However, being an ex could be a lonely and challenging experience for some, especially for the oldtimers. They have all my sympathy.

Most of my friends are sincerely dedicated premies and I am grateful for the fact that my argumentative nature has not adversly affected our friendship since my exit. I am a firm believer in live and let live but also feel strongly that if you are going out there promoting something for mankind to take on board you have to be aware of the responsibilities  this entails and the questions you may have to answer as a result.

These days I have a philosophical outlook on life. I reflect on what constitutes the Good Life (watching football is great help, like the great Camus said " All that I know most surely about morality and the obligations of man, I owe to football."), have a sense of the Buddhist  interconnectedness  of everything and therefore try to tread lightly (People who know me will tell you that I am anything but light, but really I am trying) . I have no  pursuits  other than attempting to be conscious of 'now' as I become more aware of the passing seasons (being out of work, I figure, that's the least I can do). As Jim has rightly pointed out in his letter I am also very aware of my need for a clear conscience. I do not need consciousness or conscience in order to survive; they are extras for which I have to make an effort if I see any value in them and I do see value in both. 

I will always remember fondly our crazy years: my first night in the ashram when I watched with shock and awe as this premie meditated on a photo of the Lotus Feet. I never attempted this feat myself but I always kept an eye on him for devotional pointers as I felt inexperienced as a devotee.                                                                                             How I nearly missed the last Jumbo from London to Millennium dealing with premies without tickets/passports at the airport. The plane had already taxied out and had to return to terminal to get me.                   The Palace of Peace years and the lucky few who had realised the Knowledge.                                                                                   Banbury in 1976 and the faces of the UK Co ordinators (and the National Co ordinator) after my screening of Clint Eastwood's Magnum Force at our National HQ: my idea of introducing the co ordiantors to 'normalisation'. (I always thought the movement needed more sex and violence ). 

Looking back in life is becoming more and more surreal; it is a strange feeling going back 25 years. Things are getting streched and elongated.

In recent years I worked with premies from Europe (and US) and met some very nice people. I miss that side of things.. 

I don't know hardly anybody on this Forum, except for Mike and Tempora (btw the coat went to Divine Sales) but I have enjoyed the contributions of many (Candy for example cracks me up. Who are you sister?) There is strong criticism here but not hate. What EV can and should do is re-consider their FAQ's (the best thing would be to delete them altogether).

So, as Maharaji used to say: 

" There is so much to say and there is nothing to say."

With all the best for ex's and premies                                               Bulent

PS Tempora great to hear about R & K ...give them my love . Maybe see you guys sometime..