Hi Mike,
Yes, I see what you mean. I remember talking to a good therapist a while ago (at least, my judgement was that he was good), who said that he did try to actually feel what his patient was feeling, and that he was able to 'resonate' with them (his word). The difference was, he said, that while he could feel what they were feeling (as far he knew, of course) he was also able to be outside the feeling. So he could both feel, and yet not be stuck in it.
I was talking to a seasoned professional in the mental healthcare business a few weeks ago and we had quite an interesting discussion/debate about the efficacy of various types of therapists. His opinion of the empathy-type therapists was that while they make folks feel good and well-empathized-with, they tend to take much longer (if at all) in helping someone out of their problems. This person called those the "feel-good, mothering-type" therapists. Those types also are the first to burn out and have more difficulty in managing their own lives. It was a thought-provoking discussion for me.
He also told me he's convinced that it's the confrontational type of therapist that gets a client to move ahead and out of their own belief-systems about themselves and the world. After all, that's a huge piece of what a person needs when going into therapy: peeling away the layers of learned behavior, thoughts, emotional responses to stuff, etc., examining all of it and deciding what to change and what to leave the same.
I've had both types of therapists and both were good and probably what I needed at the time. But, truth be told, it has been the confrontational, kick-my-butt types that got me moving out of my own complacency, onward, and forward in my life. They introduce new and better ways of thinking and often employ methods that give folks a good jolt. It works if a client is prepared to do some real work on themself. Therapy's not supposed to be fun or a walk in the park -- that's another misconception. And the confrontational types are also empathetic.
I get suspicious of any therapist who wants to empathize too much with a client. Often they are just fulfilling their own needs instead of their client's needs, both monetary and emotional, because that type of therapist often keeps folks for the long-term (years upon years) when a shorter-term will do.
But, that whole field is extremely tricky...
Bests,
Cynthia
