Andries,

The article seems familiar to me and may have been posted here before, but it's definitely worth reading.  This paragraph applies to me personally, as to the reasons I got involved with Prem Rawat's cult:

Frustration with one's common lot and an inability to cope with stress sends people in search of a Guru for solace. Psycho-analyst, Sudhir Kakar writes: "The godman or the devotee turns his back on the painfulness of a hard reality-experience of loss and disappointment in close human relationships - to retreat into a world of imagination where the unacceptable reality is sought to be replaced by an inner one in which he can feel vigorous and powerful, no longer dependent on others' whims. The way of the godman, the spiritual path, is then the culturally sanctioned way to deal with frustration and depression."

It's no secret that I grew up in a significantly abusive home, so by the time I was introduced to Rawat at age 21, even though I wasn't searching for anything spiritual, mystical or even a meditation or a guru, I did respond a lot to the lovebombing by the premies.  That's what hooked me in -- my life was an "unacceptable reality" but I didn't even consciously know that, and I didn't even know that I was clinically depressed, (had been from age 3) so I was quite vulnerable to a personality cult.  I was therefore able to bury all of my emotional problems for years -- a very unhealthy thing for anyone to do.

And Prem Rawat didn't care about me or anyone else because I remember quite clearly that whenever anyone ever had emotional issues in their lives while in the cult, they rarely got professional help from mental healthcare providers.  It was not something that Prem Rawat condoned, but rather, people were given "satsang" instead, and if hearing satsang from fellow premies wasn't enough, then they spoke with instructors.  It was such a negligent thing, and some premies committed suicide because of the stigma placed on mental healthcare by Rawat.  Ironically, Rawat continues to stimatize people with mental health problems in his Elan Vital FAQs that call ex-premies a hate-group -- I'm specifically mentioned there by diagnosis of MPD (multiple personality disorder).  Cults do pretty amazing things to protect the leaders.

So cult involvement was an escape for me.  That how I see my involvement now -- as a total method of escapism from mental/emotional illness and a huge waste of my life.  Therefore, in retrospect, even though I did feel so good when becoming an aspirant and receiving Knowledge, and becoming part of a "perfect" community of premies, the K meditation and devotional rituals towards Rawat were the worse thing I could ever have gotten involved with because it stunted me so much, and as a result I sunk deeper and deeper into a depression while Prem Rawat kept telling premies that total surrender to him was the ultimate solution to living life and finding peace. I put my emotional healing on hold for about 20 years and in the process I lost so much of myself,  life opportunities -- especially my personal growth.  Looking back, I suffered so much while trying to suppress my mind and my real emotions while following Prem Rawat's agya. 

It feels so good to be an ex-premie and a whole person now -- no thanks to Maharaji!

Cynthia