Thank you. This is so important and something that is so hard to express and you did it perfectly.

I for one, am pretty much terrified of the cult and Prem Rawat. I was when I left the ashram and put a letter on my bed and went outside without telling a soul, and my mom came to get me. She never said I told you so. I love you mom. 

I felt lost. I burned photos of Prem Rawat to prove to myself I would not burst into flames.

When I read that Miami Herald article with the Mishler quote about Prem Rawat ordering two followers to strip nude and poke each others penises with sticks. I went and talked to the reporter, because it terrified me that it could somehow be related to why Jagdeo had not been pulled from his duties. I was too terrified to let him use my name. I told you all, he remembers me. The shadow of Pat Halley and Fakiranand. I was terrified.  

When I reported Jagdeo the second time, within the cult to Judy Osborne about 1982, I was terrified, but I thought, how could it be good for Prem Rawat to have this man traveling for him? Why would he want that even for selfish reasons? I was terrified. Too terrified to go to the police. But I summoned at least the courage to try again within the cult.

When I heard Bob and Eileen Mishler had been killed in a plane crash, I didn't know the story then that it was a medical evacuation that didn't sound like it could have been planned. I thought it possible it was like Fakiranand.

When I posted here the first time under a pseudonym, I was very scared. Not the level of fear as those previous things. But scared.

When Dettmers helped me to get the letter through, I was terrified. My first and last name were there, and here, for all to see. I was afraid of every car that went by my window and drew the blinds. I was afraid I had put my kids at risk. I was very very afraid. I did it anyway. I thought it might spare children the same thing I knew had happened to A. and others I knew of, and what would have happened to me if I hadn't realized Jagdeo knew exactly what he was doing because he was trembling. I dont believe he was trembling with fear.

I did call the Coral Way Miami police in 2000, so many premies were if this is true why didn't you call the police?

The first time I reported Jagdeo I didn't call the police because I knew that Guru Maharaj Ji was the right person to tell. He was the superior power in person. They weren't. I was 15.

 In 1982, really,  back them the police were so likely to believe this weird tale about a weird cult and a Mahatma, and I would incur the wrath of the cult because I besmirched Maharaji's reputation and I knew, nothing was likely going to happen because who knew what country or state Jagdeo was in. I didn't know his last name, heck I didn't know if Jagdeo was really his first name. I didn't think the cult would turn him over, but I did think the cult might threaten me. My husband then, worked at DECA. I had two babies. I was terrified.  I don't think my risk benefit assessment was so way off. 1982 in Miami was cocaine cowboy time, and the height of the heavy devotional trip.  Even now all you have to do is watch documentaries about the failures of police to protect victims in such cases.

in 2000, the report in writing, I asked them to send their response to Dettmers, not me, even though I knew they likely knew exactly where I lived and all about me, because the idea of being contacted directly scared me. But I wasn't so scared I wouldn't have been interviewed, all I asked was for a witness because the two previous people I told "forgot" what I told them. I thought I needed a witness. They never asked any more questions of me.

When Shana contacted me I was terrified. For them and for me. Still I tried to help. And I was not free to discuss it then. I will not discuss what I did do here. At least not until they speak more. But she was very afraid and so was I.

When I met Shana in Miami in 2019 I sent a letter to my son with all the info about what I where I was going and why and when to expect me back at the hotel, in case something happened to me. I was afraid. 

I could go on and on. I like that you are calling this fear out. 

No one should think they are not afraid. Or I am not afraid. I know at least some of the people who are standing with us are afraid too. 

A reminder to be careful. It doesn't help that fear. You can't do anything about this and really not take some risks.,  The Prem Rawat organization, as you said so well, thrives on fear. Thrives on that fear keeping people silent. 

We do need to talk about the fear. But we don't need to scare each other more. As you said, being sufficiently afraid isn't the problem here. 

The shame is on the people who scare us.

Also I was ill two minutes ago when I saw the JM post and thought it referred to JM from France not JM from Australia. They got to someone else? My stomach dropped. 

I think I am afraid enough.