The other day, I started to realize how deep some of the Prem Rawat/DLM dogma goes for me. I realized on an unconscious level, I never examined the idea that if I am not in a state of bliss that is my choice and I am doing something wrong. So when I work on anxious feelings, or any “feeling” that so early in my life I learned was me being “in my mind”- I never examined that at 12- the year before I got knowledge- if I was sad, angry, frustrated- I didn’t consider this to be some outside force or my failure had let the feeling in. On some level, I might have renounced Prem 40+ years ago- but I didn’t really get to this. Sounds bizarre, but here I am and there is a lot of power in when I feel upset about something realizing that’s not a failure. I can definitely clock it to that age. It probably doesn’t help that it’s the same age you are in throes of adolescence and all the other changes that go along with that.
Anyway, when I am anxious lately, I say hello to myself and give that feeling respect and honor as part of me and protecting me. It dampens it right down, because I think any feeling one is ashamed of gets unearned power. But I think it’s a cult remnant that I feel a sense I have failed if I am not “happy” . Remember constantly meditate and remember the Holy name? I don’t remember premies as able to do that - I saw a lot of unhappy premies- but that was mind- were were all in our minds so much right? After all Prem Rawat would scream at us from the stage so often how we were failing to live up to Knowledge. I see it a whole lot like mind as a concept like “devil” and being possessed. Gee he even called it “mr. Mind” like an entity. And where we were supposed to be, “holy name” well, he said we were being given Knowledge of God. It was clearly we were to be merging with God. And when he berated us for not surrendering- that would f•••ing scare me, I always saw surrendering a little like dying, like being a zombie or losing my identity or uniqueness- I remember just feeling I was so in my mind when I resisted this concept of surrendering to Guru Maharaj ji so much. Some part of me wanted to get to be Susan.
Another thing, about forgiveness, remorse etc. I listen to this show called the rewatchables. They break down films that are “rewatchable” and they did “flight”
Here is a link to the scene that made me think about whether people who do really bad things can feel remorse, and that in the unlikely event they do, that if they really get what they did, that person isn’t owed forgiveness. Interesting it was a pilot too. I made a post called “souls on board” because it was hard to imagine that Prem really took that seriously. He sure as hell hasn’t taken the souls of his family, or the Divine Light Mission and all the rebrands after seriously. But he took his one earned accomplishment piloting seriously. He had the uniform, the pin the papers and he and marolyn et all all brag about the technical skill. But could he have had the ethics of the sacred responsibility of the lives of the others on the plane? How long did he keep flying after these strokes? Was that what a real captain does?
Still, this film scene was worth watching even if it’s a fairy tale of what taking responsibility might look like.
