forgave myself for falling for a narc, being a human being 

forgave him for being shallow and deluded, cruel and not brave enough to LOVE

i don't like the feeling of carrying the past around, so I try not to venerate too much of it, but i do acknowledge from time to time that I didn't get to where I am alone, none of us did....

 So I have a daily thing where i extend any feelings of love, forgiveness and best wishes I can muster to a lot of individuals by name, occasionally I include rawat, also other people who have caused me bitter regret that i ever met them. 

Sometimes he and those others are not included, sometimes i feel myself trying too hard so I dont do it, I dont want to be disingenuous, but when i do include those that I find it hard to forgive, i feel the shift you mean Roark and thats the shift I'm after, because a new horizon starts to open, where old stuff doesnt matter so much

the future feels bigger than the past

regret is a heavy load , and I'm the only one who can put it down, no one is going to unburden me from it

I doubt if i could ever own another photo of him, but at times i have seen that from daily meditation over the years i have honed my skill of focus, which is something to be happy for

In general I think its a good idea for me to look for the positive aspects, the negative ones seem obvious, often first and foremost, and i dont get any prizes for noticing or pointing them out.... but when i look for and find something, anything that i can say, yes thats a positive, i just feel better,

hey, thats why i got into the cult anyway- feel better

now i just allow myself to feel better, sans cult, which has got to be positive progress

I have a 95 year old aunt who is always grateful and happy even though she has hardly anything to be happy about in her current moment of health decline. But her heart is full of love and honestly she makes a difference to all who know her even from her hospital bed in her frail state. I admire her and love her and she is teaching me a lot without doing any teaching