"Being courteous, friendly, taking responsibility, going for win-win, helping and respecting others, caring, having a desire to help people, being pleasant, considerate, thinking of others, being loyal, having a good sense of humor, being kind, thoughtful, caring, polite, having good manners, being totally honest, thoughtful, and loving."
Striving for that kind of gold standard behavior, in all categories and circumstances no less, may be the very cause of my stiffness, craziness and discomfort, and why I'm so often rejected. Human beings have a natural way of filtering out what is not genuine.
I've concluded that striving for your perfectly sensible, logical and acceptable -- safe -- description of "normal" is no longer productive for me, not that there's anything wrong with those attributes. So I'm inclined to deduce that striving for that gold standard is not the answer for me: it may be a recipe for the same dis-integration that drove me crazy in the cult. I'm still stuck in the lesson of learning how to be genuine -- warts, bad moods, bad attitudes and all -- as the best way to accept myself and everyone around me, i.e., accepting, not suppressing, and not contriving what simply is not there in the moment.
And since we're on the topic of (peppy) "inner peace" that I disparaged in an earlier post, I'm inclined to feel that it's more about being comfortable and accepting in one's own skin without regard to what others think... a long lost lesson I never learned before I was swept up in the cult.
And as far as crazy acting normal versus normal acting crazy goes, how am I supposed to choose between two concurrent versions of my everyday, compelling, dynamic, volcanic self?
