21st March 2012 - Marolyn; (updated previous post )

The following is a post I wrote about a year ago that I just edited to remove comments indicating I felt sorry for Marolyn. I no longer feel sorry for Marolyn at all and believe she is guilty as hell for benefitting from the spoils of Rawat's theiving scam. She needs to come clean, tell the truth, apologize to Rawat's victims, and pay restitution.

"There is no doubt that in the beginning, Marolyn was a true believer. She seemed sincerely devoted to Rawat and was immersed in helping with his important "work" to save all of humanity. At the same time she appeared to be grateful for the special position she held as the wife of the Living Lord. She seemed to also carry an incredible internal burden of responsibility for her role, which was strangely tempered by a sense of compassion for all of us.

On one memorable occasion over 25 years ago, I was standing in the front yard of the Malibu residence covered in dirt. I had been working hard for several days on a special project at her request, and she was quite pleased with the outcome. She was beautifully dressed and looked absolutely stunning. Without any hesitation she paused, turned towards me and looked me right in the eyes. Time seemed to stop while she expressed with absolute heartfelt sincerity how thankful she was for what I had done. Then she reached her arms around my shoulders and hugged me with a warm and caring, yet firm embrace. My filthy hands hung limply by my sides. I did not know how to react and like an idiot just kind of stood there mesmerized by her tender, loving kindness. But in that moment it didn't matter. And with great dignity she let me know the depth of her gratitude and the insignificance of the dirt.

When planning for the new residence was well underway in the 80's, Marolyn took me aside to show me a scale model of the project that the architects had built. She was extremely excited about the new house and as she pointed out all the features she just could not contain her enthusiasm. But she was careful to qualify her comments and made sure I understood it was all part of a necessary effort to provide what Rawat needed to be able to complete his work. She knew the house was lavishly extravagant, terribly expensive, and that it would be paid for by the hard earned donations and free work of premies. Although thrilled with the idea she seemed to struggle to justify the expense and the financial and physical burden it would place on the premies to build it. There was definitely a conflict brewing within her about the flagrant self indulgence and excessive cost of the project being driven without regard, by Rawat.

Once during the early years, I was at the residence when Rawat returned from an overseas trip. As his helicopter landed in the front yard, Marolyn and a couple of the kids came running out to greet Rawat, totally excited to see him. It was obvious that she had a genuine affection for Rawat, and in his role as the Master, she still carried a healthy respect. All of this was very reassuring to me. I figured that of all the people in the entire World, Marolyn his wife, got to see the real Rawat and what he was really like. If she actually lived with him, slept with him, and still adored and believed in him, then he had to be the real thing. But a couple of years after the new house was finished and the kids had grown up, I noticed a distinct change. Marolyn's world and her life seemed to slowly develop as a separate and distinct reality from that of Rawat's. She had her projects going on and her own staff to help her, and Rawat had his projects and his own personal staff to dote on him. Rawat spent most of his time either alone in his office or traveling without her.

During Rawat's travels, and only when Marolyn wasn't with him, Monica the mistress was always around, hiding in the shadows, ready and available at his beck and call. Sometimes I would see her getting on or off the plane, or other times she would fly separately on a commercial flight and meet up with him to rendezvous for a few days. Rawat tried to keep his relationship with Monica secret, but he just couldn't hide the fact that he was smuggling her in and out of his hotel rooms. She had no real reason to be hanging around or traveling with him and it was understood that nobody was supposed to ask why she was there. If it came up at all, the standard answer from those who knew the truth was, "don't worry about it; you don't need to know. He's God and he can do anything he wants. You're lucky to be here so just do your job and keep quiet." It became obvious from simple observation, both at the residence and on these trips, that the holy marriage was in deep trouble.

Marolyn's adoration for Rawat seemed to gradually erode and fade away, and any affection Rawat felt for her, was slowly replaced by an undertone of hostility. Just a few years ago, during one of the last times I drove them together, Rawat sat next to me up front and Marolyn sat alone in the back behind the drivers seat. The trip was going well until suddenly the heater got stuck and the cabin temperature became uncomfortably hot. As I panicked helpless to fix or adjust it, Marolyn who was dressed in warm clothes, started to complain about her rapidly increasing level of discomfort. Since we were only a few minutes from our destination, I had to make a tough choice. If I pulled over to try to adjust the heater control, it would delay the trip, interrupt our schedule, and create an over reaction from the back up security team that was following our every move. If I sped up to shorten the trip, Marolyn would have to continue to suffer until we reached our destination. I looked over at Rawat and he obviously understood the dilemma. He smiled and subtly indicated that I should continue the trip, and then kind of chuckled to himself about how uncomfortable Marolyn was becoming. Afterwards, as I gradually began to regain my composure, it really struck me how Rawat had reacted. He seemed to relish his wife's suffering and I've never forgotten the gleeful look on his face as she became increasingly more miserable.

By 2003, there seemed to be some kind of special arrangement going on between them. Rawat had bought the beach house, which was perched up on a cliff with a beautiful view of the ocean and only about two miles from the main residence. It was clearly being set up as a private retreat for Marolyn. In sharp contrast to his typical obsessive control and domination over any and every decision, Rawat had allowed her to fix it up however she wanted. Marolyn gave me a tour of the inside of the house, which she had decorated by herself in her own distinct style. She was careful to point out every piece of furniture and explain in great detail how she had acquired it, always followed by a detailed description of how little each item had cost.

The feeling I got was that although she knew the house and furnishings were all bought with premies money and hard work, she had been frugal in spending and had not wasted any of that money. Telling me all of this seemed to relieve some of her guilt about how it had been acquired. Somehow she seemed to want me to understand that her way of doing things was different and in sharp contrast to Rawat's. While he would flagrantly waste premie's money with his extravagant spending habits, when left to make her own decisions, her style tended towards being more conservative and minimalist, while not compromising on quality.

The last few times I stayed at the Malibu guest house in 05' and 06', Marolyn had clearly been drinking heavily on a regular basis. This didn't appear to be an occasional event, like having a couple of drinks once in a while to let go a bit. From what I could see it had become much more serious than that. She stumbled by my quarters one night with her personal valet in tow. He was apparently helpless to stop her, but knowing that her intoxicated condition would be obvious, he tried desperately to contain and collect her, while simultaneously apologizing in an attempt to smooth over the incident. When I would see her late mornings or early afternoons, she looked hung over and not the same vibrant person who I had known and worked with for years.

The very last time I drove her was in 07' for a short trip to the airport at about 10:00 one morning. Although beautifully dressed with meticulous but slightly over-applied makeup, she was unreasonably irritated, tense, and jittery. She sat alone in the back seat and chattered aimlessly to herself for 20 minutes about whether sour cream should be put on top of take out Mexican food, or delivered in a separate container. None of it made much sense but she was truly struggling to determine the best solution to this puzzling dilemma. This was not the same Marolyn I had known for the past 3 decades. Her personality seemed to have sadly and dramatically changed.

She also knew about Rawat's ongoing affair with Monica and although I never heard her mention it, I think she was understandably torn up about it. At some point it seemed like she had seen all the way through to the real Rawat, and came to accept the fact he was just a fake, a con artist, a cheater, and a horribly flawed individual. After that, it almost seemed like they formed an arrangement where the marriage was kept in place but she was free to create her own separate life at the beach house. Her more recent appearances at Rawat's staged TPRF events seem falsely obligatory and orchestrated at best. Gradually I watched her change over time, as she struggled to justify Rawat's excessive spending. Then she became consumed by guilt and resentment as he continued to brazenly take advantage of premie's through their donations of money or free work. Despite her internal guilt, she has always cooperated in Rawat's scam, and while she may have rationalized it in the beginning, she has actively participated and continued to reap the benefits.

I just can't imagine how Rawat could have fooled his own wife like he did. At the same time, staying with Rawat after she understood the truth makes Marolyn an accessory to his crimes. Even though Rawat has no conscience and feels no shame, Marolyn did have a healthy conscience at one point. Instead of standing up for what she now knows to be true, she instead supports his charade and lives off the stolen bounty from Rawat's scam. Although I used to feel somewhat sorry for her, that is no longer the case. The only way Marolyn can possibly redeem her complicity is to find the courage to leave Rawat, publicly come clean about the con game, ask for forgiveness from the premies, and move on."

24th March 2012 - Marolyn's choice.

As I said below, I used to feel sorry for Marolyn but no longer do. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she can leave at any time but chooses by her own free will to stay with Rawat; knowing full well he's a fake, liar, con man, and thief. Marolyn could leave him today if she wanted to. She drives freely in and out of the gate at the Malibu residence, has her own place to stay, and would be legally entitled to a huge financial settlement including substantial alimony for most of the rest of her life. Her kids are grown and as far as we know some of them might actually feel good about it. Like Cynthia says, there is plenty of professional help available to support her through recovery from addiction or counseling. She just has to muster up some courage, dig back into the remnants of her conscious, then make up her mind to follow through with conviction."