[Note: the
following was transcibed from a handwritten letter. Original punctuation,
spelling and syntax was retained. The name of the person who received the
letter was replaced by ___________. Some personal references were omitted -
this is noted within the text.]

Saturday, Dec.
6 [1995?]

Dear ______,

            When I first opened your letter and
I saw your name I felt a dual response in me. I felt happy it was from you and
at the same time a slight feeling of fear that you were here in town and I
would not and could not handle the drama, situation, circumstances surrounding
you in your life.

            I have had brain surgery and I am
recovering. I can not handle much stress - when I see it coming, I back off. It
is most challenging, it is a daily process, and I am learning so very much
about myself in this process.

            First of all, dear ______, I too
have such sweet feelings for you. 
[several personal messages omitted here] 
I receive many, many reports, requests, etc. from people. I would go
crazy trying to fix, advise or become involved and part of the myriad of
changing situations in their lives. The couple of times that you have written
to me, I did not respond in a written letter - but I sent you my best thoughts,
my best wishes, hoping everything would go well for you,  [omit personal message].

            May I please express to you an
apology for the "rude" response you received when you called last
December. I have no idea who answered the telephone. But I must tell you that no
one absolutely no one was put through to me via the telephone or any
other way. Not my parents - (mom, dad) - my sister - my brothers, any of my
relations or my friends. In December, I was still in a crisis stage of my
recovery. Here it is December again and I am not out of the woods. I am still
in recovery and my neuro surgeon reminds me to be patient as it will probably
take three full years or longer.

            I had a ruptured aneurysm, (in my
brain), three times I was at deaths door. It changed my life. I may not
understand why it happened but I do know how precious my breath is to
me! I know I don't have time to waste, and spend frivoulessly [sic] on what is
worthless to me in this life. Yes, problems, troubles, still come my way, but I
try like hell to circumvent them. Sometimes I see that they are like big clouds
or thunderstorms and I am a little pilot in a little airplane and I cannot afford
to enter - or even (at this point in my life) get near them.

            _________, when you talked (wrote)
about being vulnerable - ________, I must tell you after this incredible drama
of nearly bleeding to death inside my brain, and the torturous drama of brain
surgery, the impact it had on me and my sweet family, it left me more
vulnerable than I can tell you. There were more complications with the surgery
and my nervous system was shot. For months I felt I lived on the verge of a
nervous breakdown. I feel the weakest of the weak. And yet the miracle the
majesty of my breath still resides in me. I am humbled and sincerely
grateful. I find myself crying every day - my heart astounded I am still here.

            What I'm writing to you, _________,
is personal - it is for you only. I hope you understand.

            After I read your letter, I felt so
sad. I've always been hoping that everything was going good for you. I don't
know about "we create our own problems" Certainly for many people,
most of us, we do have a lot to do with the problems that surround us. But
sometimes it seems like they just get dumped in our lap. I have never felt so
helpless, powerless and sensitive and vulnerable at the same time. And for some
reason it seems like more "problems" and "troubles" came my
way during the most critical time of my life. I see that "yes, I am
attached." And I feel the feelings that go with my attachment even if it is
just a thought, a concept, a desire, or my imagination at work.

            When I was in the hospital for a
month after the emergency surgery I did not feel much attachment. I felt free
of so many of the things I normally feel attached to. Before the operation I
understand that my moment here is breath by breath and I was only a breath away
from death. And if I was to go - if it was my time to go, it's ok. It was just
fine. So free. Trusting and feeling taken care of beyond this physical world
and all the detail, the ever changing details of my daily life. Everything
became very simple.

            And now - I must remember the
simplicity. There is an ocean of trouble - problems. I don't want to swim in
it. My living Master showed me and reminds me thru His Perfect Knowledge how to
go inside - how to turn my attention inside. It is my Safe Harbor. It is Real
- as everything around me changes (good/bad) Whatever!  What he gave me - the way to go inside and
the experience it brings me, is Constant - it does not change. My breath - my
best friend - still fills me with Life and delight.

            You know when you got on the subject
of premies, etc. Remember this - a premie is a lover - a lover of
love - a lover of Knowledge - a lover of the living Master. Just because a
person has received the techniques of Knowledge doesn't mean that they are
manifesting as a true lover/premie. This thing called Mind is outrageous. The
Heart cries for attention, the mind will abandon. Maharaji spends his life/time
reminding those who truly want to hear about the heart. "Premies"
(i.e. those who have received the techniques) are often the cruelest offenders
- abandoning - rejecting the Heart's cry (desire) - and that is not a
PREMIE - a LOVER. And yet the Master does not shut the door on anyone.

            __________, I don't know if M set
Dr. Horton up in the office with Dr. Ed. Most likely he wanted a good facility
for those he cares about. And Dr. Horton put himself in place. However,
_________, this is confidential again, M is very displeased with John
for reasons that I know, and also, for reasons that I don't know. I am also
very mad (upset) with John for an incident that I cant go into detail right
now. So when you expressed your feelings of hurt and frustration I could read
you loud and clear. But I also know that these feelings that come to me are not
my Reality. I know what is Real. I love what is Real. To me John is in the sea
of problems and I don't want to engage myself there.

            Well, _________, I hope you can make
sense of what I am trying to say. (My penmanship leaves a lot to be desired.) I
had a mini stroke in the hospital so my right side of my body was affected -
but I am soo lucky, so fortunate, so very blessed. At first it was a
little hard for me to talk straight. Maharaji, my dearest husband and love was
very protective of? (for?) me. So please don't feel singled out because you
didn't get thru when you called My sister had a hard time with that one, too
(but I was so grateful because I really couldn't handle or cope with even
simple social interactions.)

            I am much better, but I know I still
have a ways to go. I take it one day at a time. And it helps me - really it
makes the difference - when I begin (start) my day remembering my Priority.
Otherwise in this most fragile state - I feel like the external
"world" can gobble me up and spit me out. (May I mention - I ask if
you ever want to write to me please feel free to do so - but I beg you to be
gentle. I feel like a newborn baby. Your letter has affected me deeply and I
feel upset but I can only only pray to once again [illegible word] enjoy the
Joy within.)  I know I don't want that in
my life. Maharaji has shown me that my Heart has a sweet song that it wants to
sing. And I need to let that happen. I need to allow my heart to fulfill
itself. The ocean of troubles, problems, issues, distraction is there; it's
always there, that is it's nature. But for me, practicing Knowledge, listening
to my living Master, serving my Master lifts me from the illusion and I can see
that although it appears real - it is not real. What is Within is Real - and
means everything to me. My attention to what is TRUE really does bring me
bliss. It is this I trust. People who practice and are having a beautiful of
experience OF KNOWLEDGE AND MASTER AND HEART (real premies) are
inspiring to me and fun to be with. I enjoy the gift of their love,
their love for live, for my Beloved Maharaji. [Illegible] means so much
to me. I get distracted easily - and when I see devotion, when I see knowledge
at work in others I feel inspired, and grateful. And when I see people with
knowledge spacing out it is VERY botherson - most of the time it drives me
crazy SAD - I don't know what to do. Talk to them? - have someone talk to them?
- ignore it? - hoping they will wake up. But then -I know I have such little
time here. As generous as my Creator is, I don't have long enough on this earth
to let my Heart sing the glory and praises it longs to Sing. I have today - Now
is my time. I pray that I will spend my time, spend my life (most
valuable commodity) where it counts. Pay attention to what is worthwhile
to me in this short and generous lifetime that I have been given.

            So, __________, when I told you in
the car ride [personal detail omitted] that I would help you if I could, I
really don't know what I can do. But I will always wish you well -
always hope you enjoy the most precious gift of life. Hard blows come and go -
I try to stay clear. I try to avoid anything - person, place or thing that may
(potentially) grab me and suck me into a space that I do not want to be.
My clarity, my focus, my attention, my consciousness, needs to be, must
be directed inside. My attachment must be on my Master, His Knowledge, my
Heart. __________, it is not Maharaji's world of (nasty power)
"premies". M's world is within. If people who have knowledge are unconscious,
how do you think it makes Him feel. I have seen it on His face. It breaks His
Heart - He trusted - He trusts us implicitly. If we choose to be
unconscious - we abandon Him - we abandon Knowledge - we abandon our own Heart.
The power or "politics" that people chose over Knowledge is sad -
unbelievable!

            But my beloved Maharaji does not
give up - He does not abandon. He has not abandoned me! Sometimes, I feel anger
and frustration and start to point the finger at someone, and blame them for my
stress - but then I ask myself - is this where I want to be? Is this what I
want to feel? No! No. Maybe I can't change what happened, or change that
person's attitude, or be [illegible] but my Maharaji has shown me what means
EVERYTHING to me, in spite of or despite of everything else in this world.

            __________, I appreciate that you
felt you could express your feelings to me. I don't know what I can do. All I
can say is .... Hang on. You have what it takes. I wish there was more I could
do. I send you my love and very best wishes.

JAI! SAT CHIT
ANAND

MLR

P.S. I didn't
intend to go on for so long and I'm sorry about my handwriting and spelling.
But, _________, I care for you. You are so beautiful - never lose sight of
that. And dearest, remember the Grace you have, the Gift of all Gifts. Please
do not lose sight of your True Blessings, your real Blessing.

May I please request that what I have shared is with you is
for you alone? Thank you.

            *One last thing before I end this. I
have learned that I cannot judge Maharaji by the people who have received
Knowledge and do not practice. Knowledge works! If we don't practice, in my
view, we are the biggest fools, the biggest idiots on earth. I want to get
graphic and say the biggest assholes alive! I'm sure that you know this. This
time has been most trying for me. I find it hard to concentrate. The medication
(anti seziure) I take is hard on me. And yet I never ask why did this
happen? - By His Grace I am able to listen to videos of the Events and His
travels all over the world to reach the thirsty. _______, I need to hear what
my heart wants - yearns to hear. I need the direction. The little effort that I
make pays off big time. Sometimes I feel dashed on the rocks and then I have
nothing but trust; and most mercifully - most compassionately I am
embraced Within. When I see Knowledge blossoming, blooming in the hearts of His
Premies - I rejoice with tears in my eyes and a heart of gratitude and I
witness His Magic in my life. ________, do whatever you need to experience
that Magic.