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| Re: Prem Rawat, Raja Ji, Jagdeo and Fakiranand... |  | ||
| Re: Re: Prem Rawat, Raja Ji, Jagdeo and Fakiranand... -- Inis | Top of thread | Post Reply | Forum |
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Hi Inis, yes it is and was disgusting. People that became best friends of mine in the cult when I joined also must have known of the pie and I assume also the attack, but nothing was ever spoken about it the entire time I was in there, I first learned of it from links posted here too. When I first started to read new and shocking information here it was really startling at first. So many emotions and no sticking my head under a blanket or my tongue up my throat to suppress them. As time went on I realised I hadn't dealt with stuff in the past very well, a lot of things were just left hanging, no resolve. Prem's fake knowledge kept me kind of frozen in time, subjugated, in a learned helplessness. My default was to fall apart inside and reach for the crutch. Not unlike an addicts state of mind really. The pie and subsequent attack was one thing to read of. The accidental death of a cyclist in India when prem was driving and a devout premie taking the rap for him was another. The fact that Marolyn has for years lived separately and that his mistress Monika is kept by his side in her role as personal photographer to his ego, presumably by donations, also hit me hard. The fact that she, Monika, had an abortion on his 'agia' These were a few of the things that riled me about him. the relationship stuff seemed to get under my skin more than I could even understand why.... Maybe because I saw why he had fed me with a 'failed relationship is the norm, in fact it's practically all you can expect' idea There were a few times when I hit rock bottom while deconstructing the mental mess but I have a determined little terrier inside that refused to let him win!!!! I saw that without my love and admiration he was minus something, minus some charisma, certainly minus some power over me. My greatest revenge has been to rise above this force fed crap that I willingly ate at the time, and to enjoy my life more than before. That became my mission and once I decided that - everything became easier. I saw that even the power to decide had been wrestled from me. There was no deciding while around him. There was this admiration of letting go and surrendering my will to him. No lasting joy came of anything that was decided that way. More often than not a mini crisis instead. Or a major one. It's frustrating sometimes to witness friends get all busy and excited about the big giant head visiting nearby. Such a lot of repeated platitudes that make me want to howl to the moon. Occasionally words come out, I try to be understanding and not terse or harsh, but sometimes I think I still am. I understand that you need to be aware of not putting your head on the block but for your own welfare keep writing it down, even if no one else ever reads it , because it does help. Really just wanting to say to you that the desperate feelings do evaporate and your ability to recognise your true personal power, to take the reins of your own life will pretty soon replace those feelings. You will feel more confidence in yourself and more depth of true feeling than before. It's actually wonderful, you'll get through the tough bits and appreciate more than you have ever appreciated as your senses awaken. I had to remind myself to give up beating myself up and give in to the joyful fact that I am OUT! Life has begun again with you as the central focus of your own life. With all the people and places and things that matter to you in focus too, without him stealing your power, your attention and your love. It's exciting once you realise you have the tools in your hands again that he had you surrender to him so long ago. And now you have time to find out what you truly do like about yourself and about your life. Little by little that list grows in length and in value. I don't remember how long I've been out exactly I think it's about 3 years, I will have to check the forum to see my 1st post, I remember the date April 6, but not the year. It struck me when you wrote Really if any argument was needed to show how insane and horrible this cult is, this attack would be it. It's true! about a year ago I spoke with a new friend about having left a cult. Snort! as you do! While trying to establish the identity of the fraudster he suddenly said - "the ice cream guy" It took a little bit to figure it out but in the end we knew we were both talking about the fat indian kid guru who got cream pied. He's older than me and not a premie, but he had heard of the incident, it had stuck in his mind as an indicator to steer clear of that fat little dork, as he put it |
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