Inis,

I think 'clusterfuck' is a good, humorously descriptive term for a
complicated set of events that create a really screwed up situation (not actually
a technical term).

A few of the dynamics clustered at the feet of the Lord are the angst-ridden need
to be close to him, the (neurotic) perfection-seeking work ethic (heaven forbid a faint ironing double-crease!), the massive ego trip of perceiving oneself as very special by
their proximity to the Lord of the Universe, the abnegation of one’s one
personal needs, frequently the abnegation of the needs of one’s own family and
loved ones, competition to be best devotee, not to mention the very real lovely
feelings that arise (even blissfulness) in the context of being there, etc

I find it nothing less than amazing that our experience can be so
dictated by our attitude and mental constructs. 
We become our very own Skinner’s dog.

One would think that all that peace within, vis-a-vis the practice
of Knowledge, would take the edge off the addictive need for 'darshan', and the
tendency to contort our living circumstances to accommodate it. 

And then we fucking die! 
Not even a promise of eternal heaven (circa Judeo-Christian salvation doctrines), no
liberation, just ‘PEACE’ that never even becomes permanent feature of our
experience, even after forty fucking years.  

What else am I missing here?

M