Welcome Inis

Loved your post, I'm so glad you found your way here.  It was the guttural reaction that I get from the shock of seeing a picture of him...I call him the guru (only because I refuse to change with him)...that led me here too.  I, like you, found this site years ago but wasn't ready to let all the painful experiences seep into me and didn't join the conversation, didn't want him on the other side of my coin either...and though I appreciate the beauty of immaculate timing, I do wish I'd joined way before I did.  This site is AWESOME because of the glorious and free voices you'll find.  The variation is so cool...a sentence or paragraph will be interpreted in as many ways as it's read, and the compassion, humor, and mind expansion that happens when you see your words through the eyes of others has been the greatest healing source of my life.

The amazing souls of EPO have a very high tolerance for rambling , lots of good stuff comes of it...and you might find that a tiny little seemingly insignificant thought you had can spark a massive response, and you'll see things in yourself you never knew about until a voice from across the globe points it out.  

Seems to me from your few words, that your kids have a thoughtful and present dad now, and maybe you'll want to consider forgiving yourself for a weird childhood.

I'm your go to girl for hating the guru.  When you need to process rage for what he did to you I'll back you 100%.  Everyone here let's me have it...my rage that is.  There have been a few times that I regretted the drama of my posts as soon as I hit that post button that makes it real...feeling stupid and extreme...but then somehow the wiser voices from around the world will tell me it's ok...we get you...

And I have been continually graced by the emotional intelligence that seems to be born from ex ing....not just quitting, but sharing the thought processes that got you there.  It must have been really hard on you to not talk with others going thru the same thing.  That's what happened to my dad...kinda.  With no 'peers' or the internet to connect him to others in the same boat, re entering society on his own as an abandoned devotee (1980) was impossible for him and he didn't make it.  More than anything, I wish he was here to let lesley and AJW shock his funny bone, and to argue with Steve with his dry wit, let the support and 'keeping it real' ness of 13 and DCcultmember and Howardyang feed his mind, get into crazy mind trips with auggie55, and let SuzyQ's heart reach his with her beautiful and compassionate posts, and get soul hugs from karenl and lexy and Susan...and to connect to the deep healing philosophies of lakeshore and la-ex and Manincar...and to thank JHB and Marianne and Cynthia and so many others for their tenacity, calm cool voices of reason, and devotion to never letting that fuck face forget his wicked existence...to name a very few!  If my dad would have had these voices in his head instead of the guru's, or no one's, he might have been ok.

There I go rambling!  Anyway...glad you're here to share your stories, I hope your connections with EPO are as healing as mine have been.

It's a lovely rainy day here in the desert today...I'm loving the clouds and cool breezes, soaking up every minute in anticipation of the 120 degree days in my near future!

Be well

Genny