Mr. Roark, does TED have to do ALL the important thinkin around here?
Re: Re: I'm confused here -- roark Top of thread Post Reply Forum
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TED Farkel ®

05/07/2017, 20:34:56
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Gosh, Mr. Roark, you seem a bit confused about which way to go, and now you want ole country boy TED Farkel to help you out....
You seem like one of those fancy college educated dudes from IHQ and Deca and all that, and now you want TED's advice...
Normally TED might be inclined to charge for some of his workin man's savvy, but since you've been to Trac a few times, and dropped a few big bills on drinks down here with e-Drek, TED will make an exception here...

First of all, if you wanna be your own guru, you gotta pick one or the other...either yoga or meditation...first things first...one or the other....
TED recommends bein a "meditation only" guru, because it's just so much easier to tell some tall tales about the "experience", or the "breath", or that "magic moment" etc...and you got a great role model, prem rawat, to copy...you don't have to meditate, and all you gotta do is talk about some mystical experience that you claim you've had and no one can prove anything about it, either way...see, that way you're covered, and if anyone questions you about it, just tell them they're not devoted enough, or they're an "unlit match" or "in their mind", and they need to go do some more meditation and get a bit more humble....it's kind of a nice, easy racket once you get them believin you're something special...and with all your intellectual ramblings about the history of hinduism and sikhism and buddhism, you stand a good chance at bafflin them with your bullshit, along with some far off samadhi like stares once in awhile...kind of make it look like the damned devotees are pulling you out of samadhi with their dumb questions, tell them to meditate more, and you can put them back in line pretty quickly...

OK, now if you don't like that route, and want to go the yoga route, (which I think you're partial to) you've got to come to terms with a few things here...

One, most likely the Roark in his 60's aint like the Roark in his 20's, and it's gonna show on the yoga mat, believe me....especially with those young millenial gals who can bend their bodies into a double pretzel before they even go into their first downward dog posture...
With yoga, they can tell if the guru has been "doin his homework" and TED's not sure you can pull that one off...

Second, you mention that you got your eye on a "cutie" who could be a gopi....bad choice, my friend, bad choice....first of all, you gotta leave the "groupie/gopi" thing to the big boys, the satgurus, the lords of the universe etc....they've got the right stuff, mainly lack of conscience, to pull that stuff off, and TED's not sure you do...
Plus, what if "lower roark" (the one below the belly button, if you catch my drift here...) starts going in one direction that the "upper roark" is not espousing in his satsang about higher love....could be embarrassing, especially if you're in your yoga tights, and things get poppin, if you get TED's drift here...if you're a meditation only guru, just wear some loose fitting pajamas and you'll be just fine... and remember to practice that slightly annoyed "you're bringing me out of samadhi" stare...

But, TED sees that ya got your little heart set on being a yogi, so here's my advice.... TED's got 2 great role models for you to follow:

Go to that www.youtube.com site, and type in:

1-"Jamie Kennedy Experiment-Yoga"---I think you'll like it, plus it will teach you how to deal with anger issues, if you have any, after following a fake LOTU for decades...I think you'll like his style, I really do...

2-"Goat yoga-60 second docs" might be more your style, since you're partial to goat satsang, why not go with some goat yoga while you're at it...plus, if you get good at it, TED will spring for a bus ticket and get you down to Trac, and you can run some classes down here in farm country....it will be a natural, we just gotta work on your hillbilly slang a bit, maybe e-Drek can catch you up on some of that...

That's it for now, let me know how it goes...if you can work out some anger, and get down with them goats, maybe I'll get you down here for bhole ji's visit in the summer....we're selling lots of 5 hour energy drinks at Trac (folks are falling asleep at satsang these days) and bhole wants to come and talk shop....
Later dude,
TED Farkel

PS:Oh yeah, about that foot kissin thing.....TED's gotta ruminate on that one a bit more... some hoof kissin might work, if you like them goats, in the meantime....






Modified by TED Farkel at Sun, May 07, 2017, 21:06:50

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