If you know what's hurting you maybe you can fix it, or maybe it's something that happened in the past and you can put it in the lap of time to fix.

I think the basic idea of a grudge is to avoid being hurt more.  I can admire a good grudge but I'm not good at them myself.  And you've got to do your own balancing act haven't you. 

In my view, it's only sensible to be interested in holding myself accountable rather than anybody else.  That's the way I'm built.  All I can do is hope everyone else does the same. Unfortunately that means I can easily end up believing it's up to me to fix something that I can't - it's not mine to fix, it's up to the other person.

eg.  I couldn't fix things by being a better premie, it was Rawat's lies that needed fixing.

My point is this, if you're like me then my best way is to persist in getting to the truth of the matter - apportioning the blame where it really should go can do a lot to ease things, even tho initially it seems the opposite as you touch the hurt.  

Sometimes it is just little adjustments in your reality map that make all the difference and sometimes it's a big shift like omg Maharaji is a fake.

Alleviating my hurt is most certainly very much not about me being more forgiving, I can't even stop myself from forgiving the unforgivable!  No, it's been more about sorting the fly-shit from the pepper, and that is a huge thing.

I think sometimes we take the blame because in the moment it seems easier or better even, than facing up to the real cause of one's pain.  

 As we learnt with Rawat, when you put your faith in a lie, all your loving strength is turned against you.