Hi 13 and Manincar,
Hmmm, I guess we
all aided and abetted GMJ’s efforts to some extent, no?
Personally, I didn’t really give a
shit about GMJ smoking pot or drinking when he was young (having bought into
the mythology that someone like what he was supposed to be did not have to follow
the same rules as us sentient proletarians).
Plus there were other interesting standard-bearers at the time that bent
the rules (like Trungpa, an impressive teacher) and many in the distant past
that were much more eccentric.
What I see in my friend is just someone that
spent years and years carefully processing, and now expressing himself openly, honestly
to me. But it’s much easier for me to see
past the words you take issue with, inasmuch as I know him as one of the most
open-hearted and authentic dudes I’ve been around, and that he has spent most
of his life post-GMJ in laudable (real) humanitarian efforts.
Also, I know of VERY few premies
that were courageous enough to directly confront GMJ to his face during those glory
years. Interestingly, I actually lived
at the hotel that he confronted GMJ about, and it never occurred to me at that
time that the conditions were so bad that we needed a champion, LOL.
Anyway, I would hope that my friend
has processed to the point that he no longer has to self-flagellate, almost four
decades later.
But it brings up a crucial Forumesque
issue: forgiveness. Interesting idea, “forgiveness”:
associated with the giving up of anger and resentment. The nature of anger and resentment entails
feelings of constriction / defensiveness, and typically a call to action for an
angry response. While informative, it
feels self-destructive. Forgiving, on
the other hand, opens the heart, feels good.
Forgiving would likely include self-forgiving,
I suppose. And I wonder if I have really
forgiven myself for being so fucking stupid as to not be able to see through
what was really happening at that time.
But if I can forgive myself, seems
it would be easier to forgive anyone else’s complicity. Luckily, giving up my self-directed anger and
resentment doesn’t mean I have to repeat the same mistakes (hopefully).
M
