"...I lament the loss of that feeling of
... certainty that I'm on the right path, doing the right thing etc. that I
used to have when my 'faith' was intact. I'm basically winging it and have been
for some time..."
I understand that lament, the feeling of disorientation with lacking the constant
sense of an unshakable certainty of direction, the vector of reality being
continually reinforced from the wise Master and all that. I miss the great engaging sense that my
efforts in "service" are given to actual uplifting of the human
condition. That was such an
But maybe what you're calling "winging it" is the more sane, pragmatic,
more useful and appropriate way through life, the natural way, the careful way,
the wiser way. A big human problem is how one can very easily, often, and
with full accepted certainty or often just on quick impulse, wander mentally
across into the vast zones of one's own incompetence at knowing, and lodge
there, immigrate and encamp, make a home for life there in the land of
blind-false-certainty, with full confidence -- just going there on one's own or
guided by another's incompetence or even by other's evil intent.
It's a great human weakness (or prompting to betterment?!) -- pretending certainty
(though useful in some circumstances, and really to just always proceed on
one's nearest approximation of certainty), but not being able to be aware where
exactly is the limit of one's own competence at knowing...knowing something,
anything, in specifics, generalities, intuitions, practical decisions, ways of
thinking, perhaps in most everything unaware of the limits of one's own
competence at "knowing".
Aren't we always winging it, going on our own best wit. ...specifically whenever
intent on not accepting as one's own certainty the often unfounded and blind
comfort of whole-swallowing others' beliefs and others' "certainty"
or others' confident guidance. This is just to draw some working contrast
between going it on your own alert thinking versus the "swallowing",
even that swallowing received from the formidable published great philosophers,
or even the habit often of swallowing whenever prompted by casual ungrounded
words, cliches, or memes and publicly agreed upon accepted thinking. Although
there's surely often a right time for accepting insightful lead and incorporating
practical knowledge from others.
Anyway, why not "become a grumpy old cynic in matters of a spiritual
nature"...and just explore wherever else free interest investigations
might explain things -- the baby left intact after you throw out the bathwater.
Buyer beware -- Personally I'm of course not entirely sure whether or not I've
overstepped my competence to say any of the above.
Since graduating from utter unquestioning "faith" in Prem Rawat's "message"
or "knowledge", and guidance, I've been getting better acquainted
with accepting my not knowing all the commonly-understood basic theories and
anchors of human existence in the Universe. ...trying to
replace circumscribed Knowing with what in my own way I like to call
"thinking". Maybe this develops my critical abilities a bit, at least to being slightly more
thoughtful about the boundary of my competence at Knowing things. Might
even make me eventually less of a prig. ...finding it pretty comfortable
and more and more interesting.