Re: Babies, bathwater, bleeding hearts.
Re: Babies, bathwater, bleeding hearts. -- Newdawn Top of thread Post Reply Forum
Posted by:
SuzyQ ®

04/08/2017, 00:33:31
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Hello NewDawn and thanks for posting.
 There have been times where I have despaired of the effects of trauma in ways you describe. 
It took a decision to try to find ways, practical steps, to love myself and to trust myself. I didn't need to throw the baby out after all it turned out, my connection with divinity didn't altogether die with my now dead relationship with the Ji.
 I had some how handed my power to him on a plate. And that's what he lives off, that's his narcissistic  supply. 

I had to choose to take back what was rightfully mine all along and discover new beginnings in each new step.
 Of course I falter, it's a whole new paradigm, but that in itself holds some excitement- because of hope.
I believed in a creator when I met him and I still do, that much didn't change, fundamentally my experiences were all down to me in the end, the power I attributed to him was exaggerated, what I felt and understood was just me, interacting with my comprehension of divinity. He's a narcissistic prat with a few Sidi tricks up his sleeve, a morally bankrupt master of hiding in the dark.Looking back I'm stunned that i fell for the idea that one could meditate one's life and the world into peace. The only service was to him, not to each other or the world.If we did help one another it was to get to a program, if we gave any money to the PR sanctioned one because that charity made a medium size hall serving lentils in India. Cost a pretty penny I bet. Also it would have to have been the premies that set it up, I mean come on.
 There are stoic battlers out there who do more in their lives on a daily basis to bring love to their surroundings and find peace and gratitude in that, just to be able to help. I'd rather be like them that have my head under a blanket and a brolly up my bum, schlepping around trying to get my fix of perfect master drool while the world goes to hell in a hand basket.
So I took my leaving as an ultimately empowering step, I had to choose that. I'd already chosen disempowerment as a way of seeing myself in my life and that didn't work out so well , so I had to look for new habits and new life lines. Whatever gets you through the night... it's alright

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