Yes by the way I lied to my parents, however I knew it was wrong,  but then once I was an adult i stopped doing that because they weren't standing in my way. and then if they didn't like the truthful answer to a question I told them not to ask me if they didn't want the truth. about M though I lied to them by omission. I just didn't bring to light the things I knew would be a red flag. Darshan, donations etc etc. neither did I even mention any of this to various therapists, it just never occurred to me, it was like my secret life, I might have mentioned that I meditate. Like a badge of honour. The fact that my hearts desire was to fly around the world after a guru was something only premies understood. If my friends questioned me , knowing I was going to see the guru, i would add that I also had this very important meeting or some other thing that was justifiable in world terms because I din't want them to think i was a fanatic. However it never occurred to me that therefore I was seeing myself as a fanatic somehow to even feel the need to defend with a fib.

The statement of the dark ages and the divine characteristics of the holy family reminds me of my divided self as a premie. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a giant dose of critical thinking but that was almost forbidden. Marking time in the same spot, over and over again.